It drives me to the coast of Rhome
It grants me passage to the peaks.
It yearns to harness nightly waves.
But, there in sleep, defenseless, I dream.
Then, realizing, I breathe and then turn away.
Awake, I rise from the warmth of the eve and rise to tangle in worlds unknown,
Traversing to corners and cultures new.
In woods and paths unknown, I unravel wounded threads,
Pass and intrude. In a gentle sweeping and uncovering, it’s trapped.
Hidden, trapped, desiring release.
I rest, waiting. Sometimes it comes.
I rest, waiting. Sometimes it flees.
Seeking. It can’t always be hidden.
Update: I needed to write today to see if it helped. I’ve not been able to consistently read or write a whole lot and it sucks. But, I’m finding myself going through a weird stage. It’s like, I know the truth of what is happening to me, divorce. And I can say it, and there are days I can accept it, but then there are other days… when I feel like I’m just experiencing it second hand. Like the experience is happening outside of myself.
If you were to peer into my life in the last few months. You might find me tossing the ex-husbands stuff across the room, or asleep next to dried up, crumpled tissues and on darker days, full blown escape of the world by calling in sick. (only happened once) But, then there are good days. Days when I’m playing with a cat, drawing pictures that have placid, pleasant colors. No tears and even signs of hope. And a vision for a better, freer more joyful life.
And then it goes back to days like today. The numb days. Days when I feel nothing and I feel inhuman, robotic. I feel like I’m inside a protective bubble that I’m not sure how to break out of. Is this normal? Days I have nothing to give, no desire to cook. But, shouldn’t it bother me to eat popcorn for dinner and not care about planning for work? Shouldn’t I turn the tv off and get off this couch? Nah, I’d rather watch tv endlessly because it’s an escape.
I don’t know, and I’m too tired to analyze. I’m sorry to update so depressingly, but don’t worry, I’m taking care of myself and keeping appointments and adult-ing. I even took out all three bins for Monday’s trash trucks. The laundry is done and the house is dusted.
I just wanted to get this out of me. Thank you for the many prayers prayed. You are being prayed for also.
Thanks for letting me get all of this out.
The Learning and the Brain conference is one I highly recommend to all educators. Thanks to Book Smart Kid, I was able to attend. It did not disappoint. The speakers passion and shared visions inspired and affirmed some of what I’ve long believed as an educator. I admit, though, that some of what they proposed was challenging.
What inspired me most during the conference is how much the cognitive scientists agreed with the philosopher’s of educators who taught me many years ago that the work of children is play, and that it should be preserved. That the brain is the most malleable during childhood and how much development is still happening for teens. That educators should strive to maintain positive, nurturing relationships with children because it enhances the educational environment of a child and that the educator and the learning environment must tease the curiosity of a learner rather than squash it.
The challenges I took away had more to do with letting go of what the system convinces us we must do. To throw out old time-wasters such as the ever popular Calendar time with younger students and homework. And to think more about filling the students work day with activity and work rather than the educator being the one talking, working and decorating.
Another challenge is for educators to stop filling the day with boxed up one-dimensional curriculum. Today’s children need to step our in courage to learn to make mistakes. It’s in the mistake where many learning opportunities lay. Teachers also need to become open and model their own mistakes and share what they’ve learned from their own mistakes. Scaffolding is a word that was used often at the conference and it makes sense because of the conference speakers emphasis about learning orientations. There was no science to back up the difference in learning styles. Instead, the differences are now called orientations. One student may be creatively inclined while another analytical while another might be motivated to learn by how practical the content studied.
There is much more to report, but I’m still processing much of what was presented. More soon.
The last time I experienced so much snow around me was in Boise, ID with my daughter and today, I woke up to this in Seattle! It will probably melt soon it, but it’s a perfect “excuse” to sit in bed and write. It’s either that or go out and create a snow man of sorts. I did put on my very warm socks with the intention of taking some snow pictures later and taking a cold walk. We’ll see.
It’s also a great time for me to process some things. I think I seriously need to divulge because lately, my dreams are weirder than ever. I dreamed about mosquitos taking over a dish I was about to eat. I dreamed about a dog and how it killed an alligator that was in my bedroom and about trying to change a diaper and not being able to do it and last night about plants camouflaging to look like spiders!
So, I decided I needed to socially put this out there in hopes that it’ll alleviate some inner stress, face my struggles and hopefully help others who may be facing hard realities.
One thing. I am a true introvert and I don’t like to have attention drawn to me. So there’s that. And then my kids. First of all, they blow me away with their emotional intelligence. They have been open about their struggles and as a result, they face them head on while also (no doubt) helping those that struggle as they do and I’m encouraged to do the same thing.
So, I’ve been married for 24 years, but my marriage is ending and I’m separated. Even writing it down brings home it’s stark reality. But, strangely, writing about it also brings some peace. This is my very difficult reality and I’m not always together. People around me need to know why.
But, at the same time, I have healthy outlets and meaningful relationships. I also have a great therapist who I can see, if needed. I’m also a believer and so there’s the power of prayer. I have peace. But I still needed to be open with you.
My family, friends, readers. I need you and I value you. You are important in my life.
Thank you for allowing me this platform, this snowy day to truly update you.
~Peace and more peace….
I’m actively pursuing peace, because, that does make sense and it’s what I’ve read to do in the bible, but I didn’t know one actually needs to hammer it out of life…
This morning, I woke up early, but not early enough to have my morning shower. It didn’t matter, I would just put on comfy clothes and makeup and make it work. I was proud that I had at least put my contacts in and made a straight enough line with my eye-liner.
I proceeded to my morning, feeling justified in calling a Lyft. I was awake and ready, no use being late if I could help it. Plus, parking is a *&%.
I arrived, sat near an outlet, plugged in my half-charged phone and smiled listening to an old, experienced man talk about having been in business for 45 years so far. He was still in business! I think that alone was worth the drive. And then…
When the 2nd speaker walked in, I had a dejavu feeling, and then the material seemed especially familiar. “Had I taken this workshop before?” Cue the “wut” look on my face.
After the 3rd speaker walks in and starts speaking, it was undeniable. I knew I had heard all of this before. UGH.
I paid 85 dollars for the workshop. Again. Really?
Peace, Lyft, sit, peace, listen, repeat, peace, Lyft, home.