I Write

Red-eye spark…

I really don’t understand why a subconjuctival hemmorage can spark my writing juices? What is a subconjuctival hemmorage you ask? Basically, it’s when a blood vessel bursts in the eye. Nothing serious thankfully.

Last Sunday, is when this crisis began, with the outer corner of my right eye the color of hot sauce. The initial discovery was frightening, but in the next couple, even more frightening. This was no joke!

Each day, I woke up thinking it would start to fade, but each day I woke up and startled myself at what I saw in the mirror. I looked like a zombie! I finally went to see the eye doctor on day 5 and although I’m grateful this wasn’t an infection, he told me I would only have to put up with the red eye for another week. Another week!

I decided staying home alone in my bedroom away from my roommates was the best solution until the isolation got to me, I felt like I did when I had covid. It was NOT a good feeling.

Here I am on day 6 and 99.5 % of my eye is still red, but it’s starting to feel less raw, at least. And I did finally go out…wearing sunglasses, lol.

I don’t know why it took a sort of crisis, a “forced” Friday evening home for me to stop the busyness cycle? If I say I enjoy writing, why isn’t it part of my daily life more? Why don’t I fill out a day on my calendar for it or even an hour a week to write? Why a red-eye to spark the flame?

*sigh

Anyway, I hope all y’all clear-eyed people are doing well and I also hope that you are doing the something that feeds your soul. Plan for it. Do it. Don’t let it take a subconjuctival hemmorage or other minor crisis to spark the juice. Be better than me!

Be you.

Why the house fell…

There once was a woman drawn to blue, not just any blue, but blue like the color of the ocean. It was blue that would pull her away from the safety of her parent’s home. It was blue that would hypnotize her and render her mute.

But it wasn’t just the blue, It was brown also. The brown saw the color rose. The brown reflected what her mind perceived as solid ground. She played a part in the falling, the sinking, the deception.

Until there came the day, that the brown began to see the fading blue. Sight came after a breaking. The breaking was an inevitable event. The foundation had not been left to cure. The builder became inpatient with the wait and built upon an unready base.

The house he built seemed steady enough and bore the weight and even bore some fruits. But, despite the work of the builder, the mistake had already had a destiny. The house would fall.

The cracks became crevasses and the weight unbearable for the walls to hold. When the storms came and winds blew, the house wobbled, and just couldn’t withstand the forces of the wind.

Eventually, it fell with a devastating crash. Even the foundation was lost. It would not hold another house.

The entire project would need to be rebuilt from the ground up, correctly.

Living my truth

I honestly don’t know how much strength it takes to keep on after a big loss(es). You have to be as strong as ____. What would fill in the blank? Steel, a superhero, a diamond? Nothing on earth can prepare anyone to endure certain losses.

What is my truth? I will just list some words that apply. Losing parents, siblings, divorce, empty nesting, losing homes.

Those are some of the losses.

These are the wins:

The love of my children, the love and support I receive through friends, family and strangers. The amount of love I still have in my heart to give to others. Finding my truth, my voice and the strength to help others who have even greater suffering than I do.

I choose to share what it is that keeps me going after all the things I’ve suffered and endured because it is there for those who seek, for those who are out of options, for those who are tired. It’s there for those who have cried enough, who are sad and sinking. It is available just for the asking.

It’s’ the strength from God’s love. That is where I believe it comes from.

Philippians 4:16

“I can do all this through him who strengthens me.”

Itsy-bitsy Spider part 2

So A few posts back I wrote about Spidy, the Spider who lived in my car. It was so tiny and in hindsight, I was the first being that it saw and I , not being the lover of arachnids, swiped at it! So it vanished, but I kept seeing webs inside my car…and so I knew it was alive and inevitably growing.

So that was back in November. About a month ago, I thought Spidy was dead as I hadn’t seen any more web-vidence (ha!)

But then…I saw a spider in my bedroom! I have seen no bugs in this house except one spider. For a couple days it stayed high on the wall. Like getting a feel for me? Next couple of days, I couldn’t find it. So I sprayed my bedroom with bug spray.

Well I thought I had killed it, but I found it again. It was on me apparently! I was working my my office-bed and I had gotten warm wearing a long sleeve shirt. I got up to take it off and Spidy jumps outta my shirt and I screamed and threw my shirt at it and it ran into my closet. Again vanishing.

But I found it again the next day on the side of my mattress! I was afraid, but also bewildered? Like what is it after? Is my bedsheet ridden with unseen bugs? Or are there bugs in my hair? I knew I had to kill it. So what did I do?

I got the bug spray and sprayed my bed frame. That was only after trying to swat at it with a bag I had nearby. Of course missing.

Anyway, I thought this had finally killed it or at least would keep it from my bed, but no! I couldn’t believe it but I found it again the next morning. By this time my sleep was affected and I slept and woke in intervals turning on and off the light to check the location and to rustle up my blankets and pillows in hopes of creating a hostile environment for Spidy.

Spidy lived because yet again I found him near the bed. He must’ve been at least high from the bug spray because finally I got him the old fashioned, but reliable way. I stepped on him and that was the end of Spidy.

Although I was elated Spidy was finally gone, I started to think about that he was quite possibly trying to get near me because he thought I was his mother!! After all if I was the first living creature he saw in infancy it made sense that he climbed aboard me in my car and made it to my bedroom.

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so depressing writing this. I honestly felt like I needed writing closure to the last post about Spidy.

I hope you have a spider free enjoyable Mother’s Day!

Cocoa Bombs

Those who know me understand that I love chocolate to a possibly dysfunctional level.

I own that. I know chocolate isn’t the answer to life’s big problems, but neither are a lot of other things in the world.

I’m just enjoying what the dark yummy substance adds to my life.

This post is not meant in any way to give hints for gift giving, necessarily, but more as an encouragement to enjoy some of the good things in life!

Another reason for this post is to share an imperfect outcome of a chocolate diy , I made cocoa bombs! They came out looking imperfect, but it was fun making them and looks don’t matter, they tasted great!

Chocolate

If you haven’t guessed by now, I absolutely love my kids, flowers, clouds and chocolate !

I was in Denver, Colorado for Thanksgiving visiting my daughter and we enjoyed being together. The weather was unseasonably warm and today we took a walk to the bookstore and on the way home we stopped at Chocolate Lab. I had the salt and pepper truffles and a Chocolate covered cherry cocktail, it was wonderful!

Hope everyone enjoyed a safe and joyful Thanksgiving.

The “Itsy-bitsy ” Spider

I neither like insects nor hate them. I just accept that I have to live with them especially since I live in Texas currently.

Mind you, in its infancy, I’ve already made it angry or afraid for its life by batting at it which with a spider is not necessarily the best idea because then it hides….and grows!

What I won’t accept is that there is a tiny spider that currently resides in my car. It was so tiny a few days ago that I needed my readers to see that it was actually a spider. Today, I can clearly see it without using my glasses, ugh, so it’s developing, growing into what some day could be a larger one!

So, I’ve been thinking about what to do. Because I’m not a killer of life if there’s another way to deal with it, which I haven’t thought of, so unless someone has an idea, I’m taking my vehicle to the dealership where they will clean the interior and I hope it gets sucked into its next life!

If I don’t act now, I will have a bigger problem on my hands and I just can’t.

Chocolate Pumpkin

I didn’t win the pinwheel contest, after looking at my pinwheel again, I could see why. No matter, for my next contest, the pumpkin painting contest!

I enjoy chocolate, especially dark chocolate. That is what inspired me. I hope you guessed either a candied Apple or a chocolate covered cherry. Regardless, again I had fun participating.

Life is too hard not to have fun or at least participate in. Just try.

I lost my Dad October 1, 2021 and my Mom on October 3, 2018. Autumn is a bittersweet time for me, I love it and have some hard memories in it. So, that’s why I try… to have fun.

Pinwheel Contest

Why did I get excited about decorating a pinwheel at my age?

It wasn’t just me apparently, other people in the office took up the challenge of decorating a pinwheel, so that was comforting.

I don’t feel compelled to win the contest, what appeals to me is the play factor.

“I just wanna play!”

It’s been building in me this need to play. Covid has me trapped inside my apartment and though I’m grateful I can work from home, I’ve missed “playing”.

I’ve decided to enjoy decorating the pinwheel by painting it. Looking at it, you may think a child painted it and you would be correct. The child inside me painted it and truly enjoyed it.

Yay to pinwheels!

~Peace y’all

I have painted one side. I will post the completed one soon.

Extending Peace

I’m learning that extending peace takes some effort. The branch obviously came from a tree. To form it into a wreath would also require planning and tools.

I knew what the branch meant for me initially. It meant making peace with my past. First of all my kids. I’m still working on mending those relationships. It is a “work” of love in process.

Next, and most obvious to me was peace with my ex. This seemed daunting, and would require interaction. Hmm… well after some research on boundaries, it is achieved to a point, at least for now.

Next, I tried to have more peace with my family and friends. They have been with me throughout the many seasons of my life and I know I needed to nurture those relationships.

Most recently, I need to make with my Mom and her passing.

Last, and I’m sure not least, but proving to be most difficult is extending peace to myself. I’m not sure what this will look like beyond forgiving myself.

That is where Jesus plays a big role in my life. He offers true peace and with that hope for redemption. A forgiveness and removal of what was and an underserving chance. He cancels the debt. He paid what I owe and could never repay.

That is the reason He came to earth. To make it possible to live in this world. And for reasons I’m still finding out.