I Write

Solar Eclipse

As a teacher of young children, I dreaded April 8th, 2024. Many schools were closed, but not where I work and let’s just say that with how “energetic” and strong willed our kids are, I was worried that they would not follow directions and would damage their eye-sight. Also, I really wanted to focus on the moment myself. This would be a once in a lifetime experience after all.

Well because I’m not in charge of the universe, Monday the 8th came and went and all is well!

The kids, weather and eclipse didn’t disappoint!!

Everything worked out and I saw an amazing celestial event.

The most amazing moment to me was when darkness fell and the eclipse brought out of us cheers, shouts and chills.

It was a sense of awe and beauty amidst shouting. A moment experienced with children and peers both. A memory I will cherish.

Chocolate shop #2

This week I’m on spring break so I decided to visit a new chocolate shop in Grapevine. This one is called Chocolate Hangover.

The chocolate was delicious, but also creatively made and unique in flavors.

And like the name, there were boozy chocolates as well as boozy ice pops.

The person at the shop was friendly and generous giving us tastes of the various flavors and types of chocolates.

I left with a smile on my face and with a bag of goodies to enjoy a chocolate filled week.

I think the truffle bars were my favorite!

Definitely a fun experience with a friend!

Fun

I should be already asleep, but I’m excited about an idea. And if anyone knows me they’ll probably guess it may have something to do with chocolate. They would be correct.

Have you ever asked yourself what would be fun for you to do?

I thought for me it was writing, or even doodling, watercoloring…but I’ve done those things and eating chocolate is fun, but it’s not just the eating of chocolate that is fun for me, it’s deeper than that, I’m still trying to pinpoint what the fun part is…so I did something today to take a step in that direction.

Here’s what I came up with, I kinda feel like it is time for me to say yes to fun.

Return Flight

I was invited to sit in a window seat next to a couple with a baby! I thought Okay, I see how this flight is going to go…

The momma assured me , my baby is quiet, so I sat down. We quickly started to roll down to the takeoff strip.

Sometime after my hour long nap, I look over to the couple and baby who are all still napping and smiled.

I quietly lifted the window screen to look out, I saw the mountains first and took a picture which never quite captures the beauty. I begin an annoying pattern of reading and looking out to see how long before we see the circles, that’s the part of the ground I see after the patchwork which means civilization is close.

Upon one of my looking outs, I see something black in the distance and wondered what I was looking at. The “black” thing is moving closer and I see that it’s smoke. That is when I notice our plane starting to turn? I’m like why is he turning and just as I thought that, the black smoke became another plane and it whooshed by somewhere “under” us?

I have no idea how close we were to a possible near miss ? But I have never experienced turning at what might’ve been 35000 feet.

I look around and nobody says anything or gasps, so I just keep looking outside at nothing and that’s when I start thinking about a possible headline that starts: Two jets near miss on a flight to Texas.

Of course it didn’t happen, and I am grateful, for not being part of a headline, but I’m also grateful that I experienced a moment where I realized I’m happy to be alive, happy not just good, content or satisfied, but happy.

What we don’t know might’ve killed us. This happens probably more than we know, so even if for a moment, be happy. You are, I think, even if you don’t “feel” it all the time.

~peace

2024

I don’t always make time to write on my blog, but it’s a brand new year and so I thought I’d take a deep breath and write a few words.

Like many others, I welcome the new year with hopes and visions of what could be. But as I grow older, I find myself increasingly lamenting the past, but not as a move to elevate the past, but as a way to grieve and mourn it.

There’s no other way to truly move forward and since time keeps on going, I don’t wish to be left behind dwelling on what was or wasn’t. For that I can’t control, instead, I choose to try to have joy in the moments I have been given.

I choose to keep working, keep loving and to learn to do better once I know better.

Happy New Year!

~Peace

Mountain Call

The phone of my soul rang…and it rang at a most busy time in my life. I had just begun to teach again.

I have written poems, blog posts and even a short novel, and I’ve not been inspired to write for a while because I get in this uni-focused mindset.

Are you familiar with this? It’s an annoying, seemingly necessary state of mind that I’ve talked myself into when placed in a situation full of stressful unknowns.

I’m currently working as a teacher who helps struggling students, but the job is very open ended and even though I consider myself creative and able to adapt to change, I still feel stressed on this path., if not a bit lost and out of my element.

Maybe that’s why I find myself dreaming of the next adventure. And after using my left brain in a stretch of days, I’m experiencing a undeniable desire to explore the right brain of creativity.

Here’s what I’ve come up with. I think I’d like to plan a creative writing retreat in the mountains.

I’ve noticed there are such things! I’ve also noticed that I’ve missed the opportunities for most! *sigh

But I can still plan to go on one. Even if it’s next year. I’ll keep researching.

Have you gone on a writing retreat?

Where have you gone?

Did you go alone or with a group?

Thanks for stopping by!

Red-eye spark…

I really don’t understand why a subconjuctival hemmorage can spark my writing juices? What is a subconjuctival hemmorage you ask? Basically, it’s when a blood vessel bursts in the eye. Nothing serious thankfully.

Last Sunday, is when this crisis began, with the outer corner of my right eye the color of hot sauce. The initial discovery was frightening, but in the next couple, even more frightening. This was no joke!

Each day, I woke up thinking it would start to fade, but each day I woke up and startled myself at what I saw in the mirror. I looked like a zombie! I finally went to see the eye doctor on day 5 and although I’m grateful this wasn’t an infection, he told me I would only have to put up with the red eye for another week. Another week!

I decided staying home alone in my bedroom away from my roommates was the best solution until the isolation got to me, I felt like I did when I had covid. It was NOT a good feeling.

Here I am on day 6 and 99.5 % of my eye is still red, but it’s starting to feel less raw, at least. And I did finally go out…wearing sunglasses, lol.

I don’t know why it took a sort of crisis, a “forced” Friday evening home for me to stop the busyness cycle? If I say I enjoy writing, why isn’t it part of my daily life more? Why don’t I fill out a day on my calendar for it or even an hour a week to write? Why a red-eye to spark the flame?

*sigh

Anyway, I hope all y’all clear-eyed people are doing well and I also hope that you are doing the something that feeds your soul. Plan for it. Do it. Don’t let it take a subconjuctival hemmorage or other minor crisis to spark the juice. Be better than me!

Be you.

Why the house fell…

There once was a woman drawn to blue, not just any blue, but blue like the color of the ocean. It was blue that would pull her away from the safety of her parent’s home. It was blue that would hypnotize her and render her mute.

But it wasn’t just the blue, It was brown also. The brown saw the color rose. The brown reflected what her mind perceived as solid ground. She played a part in the falling, the sinking, the deception.

Until there came the day, that the brown began to see the fading blue. Sight came after a breaking. The breaking was an inevitable event. The foundation had not been left to cure. The builder became inpatient with the wait and built upon an unready base.

The house he built seemed steady enough and bore the weight and even bore some fruits. But, despite the work of the builder, the mistake had already had a destiny. The house would fall.

The cracks became crevasses and the weight unbearable for the walls to hold. When the storms came and winds blew, the house wobbled, and just couldn’t withstand the forces of the wind.

Eventually, it fell with a devastating crash. Even the foundation was lost. It would not hold another house.

The entire project would need to be rebuilt from the ground up, correctly.

Valued

All week I felt beat down by the feeling of inadequacy. It came in dreams of a career I feel like I failed. I dreamt about unruly classrooms, ill prepared lessons or yelling for control of a classroom.

The common feeling in the dreams was that of inadequacy. Teaching is not for the faint of heart, but in the dreams, I could never measure up and failure was inevitable.

I finally decided to ask friends to pray since the dreams were recurring and honestly beating me down.

The answer came as I dreamt about my father. My Dad was a strong man, strong in ways I didn’t realize. But when I cared for him in his last months, I learned how he experienced inadequacy.

As I lay in bed thinking about my Dad, God showed me that feeling inadequate is part of the human condition. And He went on to show me that the opposite side of inadequacy is valor and value. And that I had both value and valor.

Valor is also having strength of spirit and mind, not just being brave. God showed me I didn’t have to be a first responder to have valor.

God said I had valor when I decided to leave my marriage after 24 years where I wasn’t feeling valued.

He said I have value because He chose me to be His and He said I showed valor when I reached back to Him.

He showed me that it’s in the valley, where the land is emptied or dug out that life and water could be found.

I couldn’t fall back to sleep thinking about literal and figurative valleys.

Inadequacy was fueling my low self esteem, but I’m only human and I desire to be valuable and to have valor. God said I emptied myself for my husband and children for a long while.

He saw me as valuable and having valor when all I saw was my darkest valley.

Giving of yourself for another mirrors Christ love.

There is no greater love than to give up one’s life for a friend.

John 15:13.

Living my truth

I honestly don’t know how much strength it takes to keep on after a big loss(es). You have to be as strong as ____. What would fill in the blank? Steel, a superhero, a diamond? Nothing on earth can prepare anyone to endure certain losses.

What is my truth? I will just list some words that apply. Losing parents, siblings, divorce, empty nesting, losing homes.

Those are some of the losses.

These are the wins:

The love of my children, the love and support I receive through friends, family and strangers. The amount of love I still have in my heart to give to others. Finding my truth, my voice and the strength to help others who have even greater suffering than I do.

I choose to share what it is that keeps me going after all the things I’ve suffered and endured because it is there for those who seek, for those who are out of options, for those who are tired. It’s there for those who have cried enough, who are sad and sinking. It is available just for the asking.

It’s’ the strength from God’s love. That is where I believe it comes from.