Pinwheel Contest

Why did I get excited about decorating a pinwheel at my age?

It wasn’t just me apparently, other people in the office took up the challenge of decorating a pinwheel, so that was comforting.

I don’t feel compelled to win the contest, what appeals to me is the play factor.

“I just wanna play!”

It’s been building in me this need to play. Covid has me trapped inside my apartment and though I’m grateful I can work from home, I’ve missed “playing”.

I’ve decided to enjoy decorating the pinwheel by painting it. Looking at it, you may think a child painted it and you would be correct. The child inside me painted it and truly enjoyed it.

Yay to pinwheels!

~Peace y’all

I have painted one side. I will post the completed one soon.

Extending Peace

I’m learning that extending peace takes some effort. The branch obviously came from a tree. To form it into a wreath would also require planning and tools.

I knew what the branch meant for me initially. It meant making peace with my past. First of all my kids. I’m still working on mending those relationships. It is a “work” of love in process.

Next, and most obvious to me was peace with my ex. This seemed daunting, and would require interaction. Hmm… well after some research on boundaries, it is achieved to a point, at least for now.

Next, I tried to have more peace with my family and friends. They have been with me throughout the many seasons of my life and I know I needed to nurture those relationships.

Most recently, I need to make with my Mom and her passing.

Last, and I’m sure not least, but proving to be most difficult is extending peace to myself. I’m not sure what this will look like beyond forgiving myself.

That is where Jesus plays a big role in my life. He offers true peace and with that hope for redemption. A forgiveness and removal of what was and an underserving chance. He cancels the debt. He paid what I owe and could never repay.

That is the reason He came to earth. To make it possible to live in this world. And for reasons I’m still finding out.

Missing my old life

Missing my old life, what was it like? It was scratching my daughter’s back and hearing her tell me her dreams. It was having a glass of wine with the other, more a friend than my child. It was back in the day, enjoying the witticisms of my only son and his friends. It’s listening to a teacher marveling at my daughter’s intellect. It was seeing my kids strum an instrument. It was watching my three kids skating playing street hockey. It’s standing by as my kids brushed their teeth watching them in the mirror— growing. It’s standing on the side of a mountain, afraid they would step too close to the edge. Blessed beyond blessed is my life being a mother. Those are the days I miss the most.

Crash!

I’ve been known to throw a few things in the past, at walls, at floors, at people I love. There is a sick satisfaction to this action, albeit momentarily. The guilt follows much too quickly for any true satisfaction. Those were the days when anger got the better of me. Those were the days of passionate fits. Gone are those days, I’m all fought out. I’ve lost the fire. My ex-marriage brought an end to that. That is what the majority of 24 years in a fight can do.

My fire burns a bit dimmer these days, but steadily. After all, that is what my name means. So, I have to keep some fire. But, I’ve been single now for over 3 years, separated for almost 4 years. During this time, I have found my voice, my opinions, my strength and self-respect.

Most people have these qualities and use them spontaneously, but once my marriage became an abusive environment, I shut it all down. I had to, for survival. The interesting thing is that my ex would probably report the same abuse from me. I did yell, fight and shout, but I thought I was fighting for my marriage, to keep it.

The bottom line is that marriage is a delicate dance with two partners learning and practicing the steps willingly.

Divorce comes when all you can do is step on each other’s toes and finally have to walk away because it hurts so much.

The hurt comes and goes in waves, until finally the waves even out and the crashes are less frequent. The steady waves of what was blends into the waves of now. The future begins calling louder than the past.

It amazes me how the heart can move on, but not until it’s allowed the freedom to mourn and grieve. The heart can become open to new love, but must have the time to make space.

In the words of a great song, “Let it be, let it be…let it be, let it be, there will be an answer, let it be.”

The mess has a purpose

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Here on the right is a mess, but without knowing the story, you can’t know how it got to be there, why it’s the way it is and why certain pieces are part of this particular mess. That is because you do not know the planner or the purpose of the planner.

On the left is the outcome of such a mess. Inside the box are lessons that were planned from the mess. Inside the box, are lessons tailor made for the player of the box. It took a mess to get to the plan of the box. The things in the mess are not invaluable. The things left out of the box weren’t insignificant, they just weren’t needed. They didn’t belong in the plan, but they were part of the planning. They were sifted through, and put aside to be used at the right time.

As I look at both sides, the box with a plan and the mess, I ask myself, “Which do I prefer to work with?” I think and the answer is that I prefer the box with activities that I know will work for the player. I choose the box because the things in it have purpose for the growth of the player.

Think of these things. Chew on this analogy. What does it fit in your life?

How to Fashion the Best Learning Space for Your Child at Home by Susan Good

This was new to me, I was pleased to receive an article regarding creating a good study area for children and how that impacts learning. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Thanks Susan!

 Whether your child is in preschool or high school, homework is a vital part of scholarly success, and the environment in which they work at home can make a big difference in how well they study and learn. Just like with adults, kids are more prone to sit down and hammer out work when their designated area is inspiring and free of distractions. If you want to create an adequate learning space for your child at home, there are a few things to keep in mind.

 

Declutter and Make Room

 

The first step in creating a learning space is to declutter the area, as it can be hard to see the potential in a space when it’s full of junk. Freeing up the space will give you a better idea of whether it’s the one you want to use as a study area, and a blank canvas can help you envision the rest of the process and the final product. Once you’ve created your child’s learning space, keeping the area organized and free of clutter should be maintained daily.

 

Another thing to consider is that you may want to create a reading nook for your child to study in. A reading nook needs much of the same elements as a workstation (i.e. adequate lighting, room for storing supplies, comfort, privacy); so if there’s room, you can have the workstation and reading nook in the same general area. If that makes the space feel too crammed, however, it’s better to make them two separate areas.

 

Shed Some Light on It

 

Whether you choose a bedroom, den, or basement, it’s essential that the learning space has adequate lighting. Windows are great because they let in natural light during the day, which lends many benefits to cognitive function. While a view of the outdoors can be distracting from time to time, it’s worth the extra vitamin D your kid will be getting. For when the sun’s down, it’s important to have a light fixture or two around the desk. Desk lamps and overhead lamps are the best options to help your child see their work and concentrate.

 

Minimize Electronics

 

Another key factor in making a good learning space is making sure there aren’t too many electronic devices around. This could mean banning your kid’s video games from the area or restricting their tablet use. Also, set them up in an area where they won’t be distracted by others watching TV, listening to the radio, etc. Some children work more efficiently to certain kinds of music (e.g., classical or jazz). However, if you keep a stereo in their space, you’ll want to check in every now and then to make sure they’re still working hard.

 

Get What They Need

 

Having your child’s learning space stocked with the necessary supplies is key to ensuring their productivity. This means having a calculator, protractor, ruler, pencil sharpener, pencils, pens, and anything else they may need readily available. You don’t want your kid to be in the middle of homework and not have the tools they need to finish! Consider getting some clear bins to organize their belongings and help keep the area clean.

 

Include Your Child in the Process

 

Nothing will inspire your child to learn and create things in their designated space like letting them personalize it. Ask them for any ideas they have for the design of the place, look online together at cool workstations, and go shopping to pick out some fun decorations. Paint the area your child’s favorite color, paint a section with chalkboard paint, and hang some of their own art on the wall. You could even have a sign made with their name on it to hang above the desk or have personalized pencils made.

 

Any parent knows that much of a child’s learning happens at home. Why not do what you can to give them the best chance of success? Declutter an area of the home and make room for their workstation and reading nook. Make sure there is proper lighting, minimal distractions, and adequate supplies. And let your child personalize their space so they feel invested.

 

Photo Credit: Unsplash

 

These days

Update: I needed to write today to see if it helped. I’ve not been able to consistently read or write a whole lot and it sucks.  But, I’m finding myself going through a weird stage. It’s like, I know the truth of what is happening to me, divorce. And I can say it, and there are days I can accept it, but then there are other days… when I feel like I’m just experiencing it second hand. Like the experience is happening outside of myself.

If you were to peer into my life in the last few months. You might find me tossing the ex-husbands stuff across the room, or asleep next to dried up, crumpled tissues and on darker days, full blown escape of the world by calling in sick. (only happened once) But, then there are good days. Days when I’m playing with a cat, drawing pictures that have placid, pleasant colors. No tears and even signs of hope. And a vision for a better, freer more joyful life.

And then it goes back to days like today. The numb days. Days when I feel nothing and I feel inhuman, robotic. I feel like I’m inside a protective bubble that I’m not sure how to break out of. Is this normal? Days I have nothing to give, no desire to cook. But, shouldn’t it bother me to eat popcorn for dinner and not care about planning for work? Shouldn’t I turn the tv off and get off this couch? Nah, I’d rather watch tv endlessly because it’s an escape.

I don’t know, and I’m too tired to analyze. I’m sorry to update so depressingly, but don’t worry, I’m taking care of myself and keeping appointments and adult-ing. I even took out all three bins for Monday’s trash trucks. The laundry is done and the house is dusted.

I just wanted to get this out of me. Thank you for the many prayers prayed. You are being prayed for also.

Thanks for letting me get all of this out.

~Peace