Take Me Away

I wrote this with those in mind whose lives have recently (and not so recently) been invaded by the terrible choices that other humans make. I can’t understand, nor have I lived this terror myself. But, I’m realizing that this could be my life. It could be anyone’s life, unfortunately. But today, I can only imagine the pain, the tears. But I do care and think about the unimaginable that has become another’s life.

With still heavy lids, I woke up to a strange and terrible rumble, the shattering of glass, the smell of death and screams.

It invaded my dream of sandy beaches and the noise of a children’s laughter.

The terror of today took my life.

Took the life I had known. The life I had grown to love,

My life filled with love, with peace, the smell, the taste, the sounds of home.

That was my life, that was our life, that was our home.

Many, many days before, so long ago, so long ago…so long.

So… long… ago.

And now, I run, I hide, I fear not knowing where to go or where to sleep.

Where do I go, oh where do I go, where do I go, where should we go?

And finally I stop, I only stop because my feet can’t go anymore. I fall exhausted to the

ground. I rest because I have to. I try to.

I sleep. But, my mind forgot how to rest,  I recycle the images I can’t deal with during the day.

I awake trembling, searching, but groggy with sleep.

I succumb again…I sleep for a

moment.

Then, it begins again, the noise invades.

This is my life. A life with no home.

When I find I can’t run anymore, or sleep.

I find a corner and I weep.

I weep as a unconsolable child heaving and hugging myself into an ever smaller person.

I desire to disappear, to hide from my reality.

Because this is not life, this is not home, I have no peace, I have no hope.

Help, help, help me from this hell.

Take me away from here. Please take me away far from here. Take me, take me away, I pray take me away, take me away, take me away…from here.

My tears stop in my trembling hand, I hear a whisper, ” I’m here. I’m sorry.”

I look up I cry and I scream, “Why….,” I’m filled with anger…”Why?!…why?!.”

I hear nothing, but silence. It’s strange at first, I look around…wait, but nothing,

For the moment. And then…

The wind moves the trees, and the raindrops begin, quietly…steady..and then a deluge.

The thunder crashes and the earth vibrates with the thunder. It repeats again and again.

I have no fear. The storm reverberates.

And I know, he sees, he feels, he hears, he knows.

I see my trembling hand taken, I feel my hair caressed, I sense my face being touched and I hear…

“I’ll take you away, from here, from here, I’ll take you away from here, I’ll take you. I’ll take you, I’ll take you away, away,  away, take you away…take you from here, far away from here. Away from here.

I’ll take you away. I’ll take you away….away from here.

The thunder rumbles, the wind calms, the rain steadies. The storm is over. For the moment. A moment. Just a moment.

For just a moment…

He took me away, away from here. From the hell down here. From all the pain down here, In my life… right here. He took me, he took me, he took me and shook me awake, he took me away.

From here.

 

 

 

 

 

End of summer

Today, I’m trying to embrace the fact that I woke up and got up at a painful 6 a.m and took some time to just be. I needed it and I needed to write or at least feel like I’m writing. 😉

I don’t often wish this happened more often because I enjoy sleep, but the quiet I seem to need lately happens at these awful times. The early morning sounds, the smell of the plants wafting into the windows, the faraway sound of the highway (really?), and the birds chirping (minus loud crows).

It’s what my soul craves.

This morning, I’m also thinking about how much I enjoy having grown kids. It’s exciting to watch them become young adults and make their way in the world. There’s no school supply shopping, no thoughts of making lunches nor jumping quickly into vehicles and joining the procession of hurrying vehicles.

Thinking about those days makes me tired, but I admit, there are parts of that season I miss also.

So, if you run into me and wonder what I’ve been doing lately, I’m just focusing time and energy into my marriage, my grown kids and working. Though I have creativity in my being,  participating in it fluctuates, but it’s okay, I’ve learned by now, creativity comes in waves and I don’t need to stress that I’ve lost who I am or that I’ve betrayed my soul.

~peace.

 

 

Day off reflections

This post will be a collection of random thoughts as I move to keep up with the rapidly changing dates on the calendar.

I believe the time is moving quicker than in the past and so each day, I wake up and remind myself that I’m not on vacation, even on days off. There is plenty of work to do each and every day and I’m grateful for it. There are many people who would be grateful to work or to have a family or to have two good legs to walk on. I have all this and more. I have been given much in my life and I don’t try not to take it for granted.

Next, I’m saying this next thing about myself, but I believe it to be true for most people. I’m not created to be any one thing. In this life I’m myself and have had the opportunity to experience and work on many things. Though I believe it’s best to focus on a gift, talent or knack to be the best at it, I don’t believe that a person has to only experience life doing the “one-thing”. I’m happy to say I’m experiencing life as a wife, mother, teacher, writer, artist, retail worker, etc.

As I move through life in the many roles/jobs I’ve been given, I consider the people who have been placed in my path. I consider what I may have to offer/give to the people around me and sometimes bigger, I consider what they may have to offer, teach, show, and challenge me with.

Though there is wisdom in holding your tongue and keeping your emotions in check (and I am challenged with this), I often wonder about all the things that other people hold back, the wisdom they’ve gained, the stories they hold, the lies they tell, the hopes they struggle to hold onto, the joy they’ve lost, the pain they carry.

Today, I’ve had some time to help, to ponder, to nurture, to cook, to write, to work and to face. It’s been a great day.

~peace.

 

 

Friday’s reflection

Lately, I feel as if a cat not only has my tongue, but the neurons attached to it that lead to the part of the brain where words are formulated! It sucks, too, since I call myself a writer. But, I refuse to call it writer’s block, that sounds so, well, easy or typical. I don’t think that’s true for me. I have plenty of words, opinions and ideas, but, I don’t always sit at my laptop and spew them all out.

I think I’ll just invent a new term. I think what I experience is a sort of  writer’s hibernation phase.

What is W.H.P? (Writer’s Hibernation Phase) Well, it’s when you reach a certain age and the neurons in your brain have to realign themselves due to so much data exposure.

In other words, not all things slow down with age, actually, I believe things neurologically speaking, speed up. But, on the surface, it may appear to slow. But in reality, the older brain is sifting through data at rapid rates trying to sort through the many ideas, concepts, principles, etc. to let go of and which new input to adopt.

How’s that for a theory?  😉

Enjoy the weekend amigos!

~Peace.

Right

When I write, it’s because I lose faith in the ability for me to communicate, especially to those I love the most.

When I write, it’s because I have time to formulate and compose.

When I write, it’s because I have failed in some way,  I write it’s because I’m trying to redeem myself.

When I write, it’s because I’ve exposed myself with words and I’m trying to cover the truth or trying (in hope) to expose a greater truth.

I write because it reveals truth and it is the truth that will set us free.

I write to be free.

~peace.

Thursday Off…

IMG_0079

Whoever added Chocolate to a cereal I hadn’t bought prior, thanks. It’s pretty darn tasty. And the amount of chocolate is generous. Good job!!

At times I wake up and don’t feel like having my usual fruit/veg smoothie or oatmeal, so this is what I have. I’ve been known on occasion to even eat cereal for lunch.

Okay, enough of my eating habits. I want to update and say that we’re mostly moved in. Now, it’s not time for a party by any means, but the place is coming together. I still like it, but the honeymoon period is over. The good news is that my husband and I can make any place feel a bit better with ALL the artwork we own. The bad news: My husband and I may need to open up a gallery of some sort at some point. We have too many items and not enough walls!!

I’m gonna switch the subject and take a moment for the artist in me to vent:

I have this perpetual itch to create something! I’m looking around at our stuff, art supplies, sketch journals, thousands of pens, markers, etc. and it’s just driving me crazy!

Okay, that’s enough, I could go on, and I know the answer is to just do it! And I will. If you’ve moved enough times, you know how disruptive and irritating it can be to creative juices. I feel like a can of soda that’s been shaken with no release for the pressure.

So, if you come across me and see the “resting bitch face”, well, it may be a real bitch face. You’ve been warned. 😉

~Peace …I seek thee…

 

 

 

Tuesday evening rant…

So, I apologize if what comes out is too “Eh…” I’m only human and humans can’t naturally say 🙂 all the time, it’s impossible!

SO, this is my attempt to purge out of me the occasional negativity which plagues me during winter months. Does it happen to you? The grey skies, the monotony of the daily grind, the tiresome chores of laundry, cooking, grocery shopping and the like?

I’m venting this out into the world of the internet, no I’m screaming it! Can’t you hear me? OH…I forgot, I would have to type in all caps, but because of my introverted shy nature, I feel rude when I type in all caps, so I’ll just rant in lower case font. It’s enough for now.

Part of the reason for my rant is that I have to move and I don’t want to. Well, maybe it’s more that I’m just not ready to. I’ve done it so many times in my life that it’s lost it’s romanticism. All it means now is getting a new address, learning new street names, and ripping open boxes of “prized” stuff.

I’m tired, but I guess it must be done. Is there a go fund me of sorts for getting others to move me? If so, let me know and I’ll look into it.

Wow, all those letters, fonts, words and sentences for a rant. Thanks for allowing me the pleasure.

~peace friends.

Thursday thoughts

Hello blog, I know it’s been a while, but I’m still here, doing this and that, writing here and there and other stuff. I wanted to document some thoughts:

One, I’m learning and processing so much from the Creative Writing class lately, that I could be found either doing chores like scrubbing tubs or laundry or sitting on my couch, drinking tea, drooling, and staring into space. All of which  have something to do with processing new all this new information.

There are multiple aha moments and enlightenments that I’ve had and wish to apply to the story I’m writing. I’d  began the class, feeling proud to come into it with a nearly completed draft.

And now? I’ve been humbled and the draft has been significantly transformed. But, that’s okay, I want to write something good. I want my efforts to lead me in a producing a work that is more creatively readable.

That is all.

~Peace to all.

 

My Monday Ode

It is often the artists of the world that get at the core of issues. Artists, writers, and musicians alike evoke the deep groanings within us.

Listen to them.

They wield their brush, instruments and words like surgical tools, both stirring, and healing, inviting us.

Listen to them.

But, we run away from pain, shattered dreams, destruction rather than face the cause of these first perilous breaks. We fail to recognize these early signs as merciful warnings, and in our pride, we accuse,  we rail, we persecute, and we shut out.–And this to our own (and those around us) detriment.

Facing early warnings can bring forth solution, discussion, intervention, but with it, humiliation, suffering, and truth,  all we’ve been modeled to avoid.

Listen to them.

Until the time that the one who’s learned can finally, emphatically and boldly say enough, stop and no more.

Listen to them.

~peace friends