insomnia – I Write

Itsy-bitsy Spider part 2

So A few posts back I wrote about Spidy, the Spider who lived in my car. It was so tiny and in hindsight, I was the first being that it saw and I , not being the lover of arachnids, swiped at it! So it vanished, but I kept seeing webs inside my car…and so I knew it was alive and inevitably growing.

So that was back in November. About a month ago, I thought Spidy was dead as I hadn’t seen any more web-vidence (ha!)

But then…I saw a spider in my bedroom! I have seen no bugs in this house except one spider. For a couple days it stayed high on the wall. Like getting a feel for me? Next couple of days, I couldn’t find it. So I sprayed my bedroom with bug spray.

Well I thought I had killed it, but I found it again. It was on me apparently! I was working my my office-bed and I had gotten warm wearing a long sleeve shirt. I got up to take it off and Spidy jumps outta my shirt and I screamed and threw my shirt at it and it ran into my closet. Again vanishing.

But I found it again the next day on the side of my mattress! I was afraid, but also bewildered? Like what is it after? Is my bedsheet ridden with unseen bugs? Or are there bugs in my hair? I knew I had to kill it. So what did I do?

I got the bug spray and sprayed my bed frame. That was only after trying to swat at it with a bag I had nearby. Of course missing.

Anyway, I thought this had finally killed it or at least would keep it from my bed, but no! I couldn’t believe it but I found it again the next morning. By this time my sleep was affected and I slept and woke in intervals turning on and off the light to check the location and to rustle up my blankets and pillows in hopes of creating a hostile environment for Spidy.

Spidy lived because yet again I found him near the bed. He must’ve been at least high from the bug spray because finally I got him the old fashioned, but reliable way. I stepped on him and that was the end of Spidy.

Although I was elated Spidy was finally gone, I started to think about that he was quite possibly trying to get near me because he thought I was his mother!! After all if I was the first living creature he saw in infancy it made sense that he climbed aboard me in my car and made it to my bedroom.

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so depressing writing this. I honestly felt like I needed writing closure to the last post about Spidy.

I hope you have a spider free enjoyable Mother’s Day!

Broken Glass

I had a dream. In the dream, I was carrying a glass filled with ice-water. I’m usually thirsty in real life if I’m dreaming this, but before waking up, I was bumped into by you know who. He was oblivious to the fact that I was standing right behind him with a glass in my hand. As he bumps into me, the glass falls, not quite shattered, but all the water spilled out of it.

I don’t remember being upset at him. It’s like I expected it. What is memorable is the image of me cleaning up the broken glass and holding up the glass and thinking. “You can’t drink out of a broken glass.” The glass is ruined.

I woke up sad, thirsty and unsatisfied. It was a fitting dream.

Lettuce pray…

I had a bout of insomnia a week ago and in the course of that fitful night, an image much like a repeating meme came to my mind.

My (meme) was of a head of romaine lettuce being cut with a pair of kitchen scissors and no matter which way I tried to fall asleep, I kept seeing lettuce being snipped.

(I know, crazy right?)

I finally fell asleep, but in the morning, the image came to mind.

I often feel like God talks to me through my dreams, but an image, or vision of lettuce??

What could the God of the universe have to say through greens?

I felt compelled to put salad on the menu for the coming week. I bought romaine lettuce and other salad ingredients and was ready.

The day came for salad and I eagerly “stepped up to the plate” a little to eager with scissors in my right hand and dripping freshly washed head of romaine in my left hand –salad spinner on the counter.

I shook the head of lettuce over the sink to remove the excess water and before plunging in with the scissors, I gazed at the innocent head of lettuce, took a breath and began the snipping. Just as I thought, the snipping sound itself gave a satisfaction. I smiled as I snipped, snipped and snipped again.

As more and more leaves fell into the salad spinner, the core of the romaine became smaller and lighter. I cut again until just the heart was left, devoid and bald in my hand.

I then put the scissors down and inspected the heart. I turned it around and looked at the stump. After a minute, I very satisfactorily chunked it into the trash can.

I went back to the salad spinner, filled it with water, drained it and began pumping the water out. I used this time to think about what just happened and then fitting words came to my mind. I felt content, satisfied.

I continued spinning the leaves until they were only damp and left the kitchen counter smiling.

It is complete.

Traverse

It drives me to the coast of Rhome

It grants me passage to the peaks.

It yearns to harness nightly waves.

But, there in sleep, defenseless, I dream.

Then, realizing, I breathe and then turn away.

Awake, I rise from the warmth of the eve and rise to tangle in worlds unknown,

Traversing to corners and cultures new.

In woods and paths unknown, I unravel wounded threads,

Pass and intrude. In a gentle sweeping and uncovering, it’s trapped.

Hidden, trapped, desiring release.

I rest, waiting. Sometimes it comes.

I rest, waiting. Sometimes it flees.

Seeking. It can’t always be hidden.

Monday Morning

I had a case of “morn-somnia”, that is when you wake in the wee hours* of the morning and fail to go back to sleep, and so I thought I’d do a quick update and feel somewhat productive.

Okay, so the update:

Though I’m a writer at heart, and enjoy work in pj’s, I’ve pretty much launched myself headlong into the work-out-of-home arena. The good news? Well, there is the income thing, sure, but I think the w.o.o.h jobs have put some balance into my personality. I tend to withdraw from the world happily, and even though that’s nice for me, it does nothing to help the world at large. And in my opinion, the world at large needs every one of us to give of ourselves. So, like a good cup of coffee, each day, I attempt to pour myself out onto humanity to see what good I can help do. And if I can’t help, then at least, I have tried.

When I’m home, I try to recuperate so that I can then pour myself onto the people in my life that truly matter. All 5 of us were together for Thanksgiving and it was great to just be together and talk, eat and enjoy each other.

So, here it is Monday and it’s a new week. There is much to do, more to work on and love to pass along to others. I’m thankful.

~Peace.

It started with a bug

I haven’t slept very well for a while. I keep waking up at odd hours and one night when I woke up, I reached for my phone and started surfing the web and heard a buzz near my ear. Not wanting to panic or wake others, I shook my hair out and walked quickly to the bathroom to find the bug. I had spotted that ugly black bug earlier in the day and forgotten about it, but with the attraction to the light of my phone, it let me know that it still lived.

I was confused and having de ja vu. This bug was sizable and though I’ve experienced a spider or two here in Seattle, bugs were pretty much off the radar. Had I brought this bug here from a recent trip to Texas? Where had this bug come from??

The next evening, knowing the buzzing bug still lived, I delayed going to bed. I didn’t care to share my bedroom with an ugly bug. I remembered it’s attraction to the light, and so I experimented. I left lights on outside my bedroom hoping to draw the bug out. I waited until a little after midnight and with heavy eye-lids, finally, I decided (cleverly I thought) to place a nightlight strategically close to the window (where I saw it last), but far from my side of the bed and then I went reluctantly to bed.

I struggled to fall asleep “tenting” a sheet around my head, not wishing to have a buzz near my ear or face. I finally fell asleep convincing myself that the bug would be more attracted to the night-light than my face.

The next day, after waking up, and thinking my plan succeeded, I walked to the bathroom peering around both hoping and dreading to see the bug. But, it wasn’t there. It was early, and still dark outside, so I returned to bed and dove back under the covers and tried unsuccessfully to go back to sleep. So, I tented the sheet around me, pulled out my phone, dimmed the screen and read until I got sleepy again hoping not to hear a bug buzz near me. I finally fell asleep again.

An hour or so later, I woke up with a sore head and not feeling rested. I went to work foggy and my stomach starting to ache.

I stayed at work feeling yuck and then went home gratefully. When I got home, I walked into my bedroom pulling and ruffling the drapes, hoping to see (and not see) the dreaded bug. It wasn’t there?! And that’s when I decided that I must’ve eaten it. I have no proof of it’s prior existence nor do I have proof that I ate it (except my stomach issues), so I concluded and accepted that I must’ve digested the thing. Ugh.

And then, (to make matters worse!) as I’m sitting here typing this bug story, I researched the bug I saw and it matched something called a kissing bug!!! Holy *&$#@! This kind of bug sucks human blood after the victim is sound asleep. Yuck.

Later in the day, I took a nap (in the living room) because I still had a headache and face ache and it all started with my encounter with a stalking bug!

The only thing keeping me from completely not wanting to go to my bedroom tonight is that I still have not found the bug and I have no proof of a bite like the woman in the story, so, that is why I believed that I ate it. UGH. So, at least, the bug is gone.

~sorry, no peace from me today. 😦