I enjoy people and relationships, but the truth is, I’m an introvert. There’s nothing wrong with me or the people I enjoy, but I must achieve a balance in order to be restored into the better, relaxed version of myself. So, even though it’s hard to carve out, I find a moment to spend some time alone. I think, I breathe, I pray, I veg.
And afterwards, like a small child after a nap, I metamorpho-size into a more relaxed version of myself, and then, I can then give of myself to others.
Our purpose as humans (in my humble, albeit introverted opinion) is to give of ourselves to others. Day by day, we flit by in the lives of others, a small interruption into the daily routines of others and we have a choice. We can be a warm, loving, compassionate person or we can be the opposite, bitchy, critical, angry, or bitter. (among other things).
Though I have bad days, I (try) to choose the former because, I’ve seen what happens afterwards… lines on a face smooth out, the downward pull on the mouth straightens, even at times, lips lift and smile. The light in the eyes (no matter the age) ignite. And these small observances create in me hope and possibility and even a bit of optimism.
Try this, be observant. You can see it happen if you’re looking. Choose to give your best self to others. Let me know how it goes.
This post will be a collection of random thoughts as I move to keep up with the rapidly changing dates on the calendar.
I believe the time is moving quicker than in the past and so each day, I wake up and remind myself that I’m not on vacation, even on days off. There is plenty of work to do each and every day and I’m grateful for it. There are many people who would be grateful to work or to have a family or to have two good legs to walk on. I have all this and more. I have been given much in my life and I
don’t try not to take it for granted.
Next, I’m saying this next thing about myself, but I believe it to be true for most people. I’m not created to be any one thing. In this life I’m myself and have had the opportunity to experience and work on many things. Though I believe it’s best to focus on a gift, talent or knack to be the best at it, I don’t believe that a person has to only experience life doing the “one-thing”. I’m happy to say I’m experiencing life as a wife, mother, teacher, writer, artist, retail worker, etc.
As I move through life in the many roles/jobs I’ve been given, I consider the people who have been placed in my path. I consider what I may have to offer/give to the people around me and sometimes bigger, I consider what they may have to offer, teach, show, and challenge me with.
Though there is wisdom in holding your tongue and keeping your emotions in check (and I am challenged with this), I often wonder about all the things that other people hold back, the wisdom they’ve gained, the stories they hold, the lies they tell, the hopes they struggle to hold onto, the joy they’ve lost, the pain they carry.
Today, I’ve had some time to help, to ponder, to nurture, to cook, to write, to work and to face. It’s been a great day.
I may have known it as a child, but it took years to develop, and build up enough hours of practice to begin to embrace the title of writer. And even still, there’s so much to learn. But, it all began when I
stole took the diary that belonged to my older sister. I began writing my thoughts, desires, and wishes way back then. However, I didn’t receive guidance, training, and encouragement to embrace it as a career.
It doesn’t matter what didn’t happen, but what does happen now. I will continue to write out my thoughts, desires, wishes and dreams until I’m wrinkled and gray.
All this to say that I’d like to share my son’s dream with you. I’ve known he was a musician since before he was born. How? Because he kicked in rhythm while I was pregnant with him. True story!
Anyway, my baby is now a full-grown young man who’s trying to live out his dream of being a full-time musician. He knows it’s a path that isn’t easy and he works hard to live out his dream. Click on this link and you’ll get a sampling of his band, Shortsweather . My son is the handsome one, in blue, playing the guitar. His band would like to take a tour coming this July. Will you help him live out his dream? Thanks for sharing this link as well.
When I write, it’s because I lose faith in the ability for me to communicate, especially to those I love the most.
When I write, it’s because I have time to formulate and compose.
When I write, it’s because I have failed in some way, I write it’s because I’m trying to redeem myself.
When I write, it’s because I’ve exposed myself with words and I’m trying to cover the truth or trying (in hope) to expose a greater truth.
I write because it reveals truth and it is the truth that will set us free.
I write to be free.
I don’t care to vent it out because it takes too much energy out of me and I need to keep some for our upcoming move. I’ll need it.
But, it has been one of those days.
I don’t want to ask why, because it really doesn’t matter why certain things happen; high and low days will occur.
The challenge, my challenge is to breathe, stay calm and turn.
I have a choice, to turn away from discouragement and to turn towards positivity.
Nothing was lost today that can’t be replaced. There are far worst days that others these days at this very hour are suffering and there are worse things to lose. Therefore, the choice is really easy if I just take a minute to think about it.
I chose to be grateful. There really is no other choice that makes sense for me. I’m grateful for the life I’ve been given, and for the people who grace my life. I may not own the world, but I have love. If not for love, I would surely perish and lose heart.
unashamedly taking up the whole “couch” at the car repair place playing a word game on my phone, feet propped up on the coffee table (that’s what they’re for right?) intermittently looking up at the news. With each story, there came a comment and a few chuckles from the couple sitting across on chairs.
I had noticed them right away as they walked in to the waiting area. She, in a cute pony tail and cap hanging on to the arm of, who at first glance, thought was her father then quickly realized was her husband as I noted how they interacted. I had also taken note that there was something about her face, and then I saw the white cane and realized she was blind as well.
(And really? I still didn’t move off or over on the couch. ) Anyway, I thought them cute and quite a pair as he also struggled as he walked with a pronounced limp and a cane for support. (Later I found out he was a retired firefighter, hence the limp)
After a few stories, I had joined them in chuckling as I heard their remarks and then they introduced themselves and after the usual exchanges, the husband went on to share the story of his blind wife and how she struggled through to survive a horrific accident years prior.
It was earlier in the week that I was already amazed at a news story of several people who had been given whole face transplants. I stared at the before and after pictures in aww at how a human being can still survive without much of their face.
Anyway, that’s what I was thinking as I was looking at this woman’s face. I was also thinking that whoever her surgeon was had done a great job as I had first thought she was a teenager with how she carried herself and how pretty she remained.
But, the most amazing trait this couple exuded was joy, strength and a sense of humor about life. They smiled as they spoke and joked with each other.
They shared most of their story with me before their names were called that their car was ready. I called after them, “You should write a book!” to which he replied, “She did…It’s called Obstacles, Bring ‘Em
After hearing her story and how a law was passed for drivers to secure their load after her accident, I began thinking about why I may have come across this amazing woman.
I had been feeling down and depressed this week. The obstacles of life were beating me down. It wasn’t anything huge or traumatic as this woman had suffered, but, I was down because my attitude had become negative. I felt stuck in my mood.
I know now it was no coincidence that I ran into this couple the day I needed a boost out of my dark cloud. It worked. It’s still raining outside, but I am smiling for now as I think about this woman. I also bought her book and am beginning to read it.
Thank you God, you have your ways. I got the message.
She bent over her and her husband’s bed and wept. He was asleep in the basement. The divorce papers were in the drawer and her wedding pictures and other keepsakes thrown together in a box in the corner of the bedroom. The tears that had been lying dormant for months decided to escape from her soul tonight. She wept aloud and decided she didn’t care if he heard her because tonight she knew her marriage of 22 years was finally over and it was grievous to her.
She shuffled her feet along the wooden, creaky floors throwing her used tissues down. She frowned at the sight of her bedroom because they’d decorated it together, each wall holding a treasure collected at the local art festivals. She sniffed as she walked around her bed near the corner where the wedding keepsakes had been put; her marriage tossed in a box. She picked up the pink basket that he’d made for her and again the tears poured out. Then she remembered what her daughter had recently told her, “Mom, I’ll keep your wedding pictures with me.” And that thought caused the upper part of her body to collapse onto his side of the bed in a mixture of both anger and anguish. She grabbed at the sheets to use them to wipe her tears. They had created three beautiful, compassionate children who were willing to care for them both despite the tear that divorce would do in their own lives.
She moaned and loathed the sound of it. The moan or groan had come from deep within and she let it out, but the sound of it caused her to force herself to stop. Divorce, there was no other alternative, she thought, she tried everything, but nothing had worked and both of them tired of the fight to stay together. There was nothing left to save.
Resigned to a new reality, she stopped crying, and listened for any movement in the basement and heard nothing. “Figures” she thought. He’s really finished with us.” Not wanting to hear any more of her groans, she decided to go to bed. She took melatonin to help her ease into sleep. And as she settled into the quiet, she heard a voice say, “Go touch him” and she stirred in bed and said, “What? Lord? We have not even greeted each other or looked at each other. Why would I do that?” After questioning the voice, she tried to settle into sleep and forced herself to close her eyes, but though exhausted, sleep refused to overtake her. Instead, she heard again, “Go touch him” To which she turned onto her back and looked at the darkness of the ceiling. Instead of questioning the voice, she fought with the blankets while her mind envisioned herself first walking down the steps and then opening the door. It seemed simple enough, but “then what?” she pondered, “All you need to do is touch him.” “Really Lord?” she countered.
She turned to hug her pillow, but her lids were wide open and her mind active. “Just touch him” and she thought, “Well, I guess”, but instead, she recalled her husband’s stoic face. She’d no longer found comfort in the blue of his eyes, but instead she swore they changed color from a sea blue to an icy teal. Touching him right now would put her in a vulnerable position and the possibility of rejection was more than she could bear tonight, but still the voice insisted, “Go touch him” and she blew out a sigh of frustration.
Afterwards, she threw back her covers and knew that as soon as she got out of bed that she wouldn’t return until she touched him and so, with that, she saw herself get out of bed and begin the long walk towards the basement stairs. The house was dark and her steps creaked the floor beneath her. When she reached the stairs, she took a deep breath before descending. She listened for any sound, but heard nothing. She reached the door and knocked gently hoping he didn’t answer and he didn’t, but the voice persisted, “Just a touch”. So, knowing she’d come this far, she turned the knob and found him asleep on the couch. He hadn’t heard her knock, so she stared at him sleeping for a short time before she walked toward the edge of the bed. Awkwardly, she sat as far from him, and reached out to touch his back. He didn’t stir until she began to rub his back and that’s when he woke in a startle. He sat up, stared at her and asked, “What are you doing?” To which she answered nervously, “I-I’m just touching you, that’s what I’m supposed to do. Go back to sleep, j-just let me rub your back.” And he sat and said, “I don’t understand what you’re doing.” Lifting her hand and biting her lip, she rose from the bed and quietly said, “I don’t know either.” She started to leave and turned towards the door and she heard him say, “Wait” and she stopped and turned around slowly and then he said, “It’s okay.” Hearing him say it was okay gave her the courage to step back towards him and grab his hand and gently squeeze it and as she brought it to her mouth and then her forehead, she said, “I’m so sorry.”
He took in her words and her touch and brought her close to his chest. She was weeping freely now into his chest. The ache in his heart caused him to hold her closely and suddenly he found himself overcome with desire for his repentant wife. He raised up her face to his and he kissed her hungrily and she responded to him. They wept together and continued to hold each other.
They held each other tightly all night and vowed to never let go. Ever again.
I won’t try to compete with the big news of the day, but instead, I want to say that I choose the side of Love. Real love is a commitment between two people, a lifelong commitment. It is not an easy road and to those that choose to walk it’s path, I salute you.
I don’t take credit for the featured image and I hope that you will check out who made it. I’m glad for it. It’s cool!