Questions – I Write

Lettuce pray…

I had a bout of insomnia a week ago and in the course of that fitful night, an image much like a repeating meme came to my mind.

My (meme) was of a head of romaine lettuce being cut with a pair of kitchen scissors and no matter which way I tried to fall asleep, I kept seeing lettuce being snipped.

(I know, crazy right?)

I finally fell asleep, but in the morning, the image came to mind.

I often feel like God talks to me through my dreams, but an image, or vision of lettuce??

What could the God of the universe have to say through greens?

I felt compelled to put salad on the menu for the coming week. I bought romaine lettuce and other salad ingredients and was ready.

The day came for salad and I eagerly “stepped up to the plate” a little to eager with scissors in my right hand and dripping freshly washed head of romaine in my left hand –salad spinner on the counter.

I shook the head of lettuce over the sink to remove the excess water and before plunging in with the scissors, I gazed at the innocent head of lettuce, took a breath and began the snipping. Just as I thought, the snipping sound itself gave a satisfaction. I smiled as I snipped, snipped and snipped again.

As more and more leaves fell into the salad spinner, the core of the romaine became smaller and lighter. I cut again until just the heart was left, devoid and bald in my hand.

I then put the scissors down and inspected the heart. I turned it around and looked at the stump. After a minute, I very satisfactorily chunked it into the trash can.

I went back to the salad spinner, filled it with water, drained it and began pumping the water out. I used this time to think about what just happened and then fitting words came to my mind. I felt content, satisfied.

I continued spinning the leaves until they were only damp and left the kitchen counter smiling.

It is complete.

Wake up and pray.

Remember to Whom you belong. (Ephesians 2: 19-22)

Have you ever been awakened by an unusually scary dream? One in which you felt paralyzed or unable to speak or cry for help?

This scary night terror as many call it happens to me.

It’s almost always right around 3:00 a.m. It’s then that a dark presence makes itself known or felt.

My experience usually occurs in a dream where I’m floating above my bed, or being dragged across the bed, breathed on, sat near, sheets being pulled over my face…or pressed onto my body. In the dream, it’s as if I’m just awaking I and it’s happening. I become frightened. My heart starts racing, the adrenaline begins pumping. I never see a face, but the sensations feel real. Often my limbs are frozen and my mouth unable to shout for help.

And then, it dawns on me, while still dreaming. This isn’t real, I’m dreaming. Then, something inside me awakens also and almost instinctively knows to call on the name of Jesus. If I can get the name Jesus out of my mouth, it works.

The last night terror I had recently was the one where I felt someone sat on my bed, near me. I called out, “What do you need?” and nothing, I called out again, “What do you need?” And right then, the sheets were pulled over my head and pressed into me as if to smother me. I cried out the name, “Jesus!” But, my mouth was struggling to form the words. So, I tried again and I said, “Be gone by the Blood of the Lamb!” And instantly, I’m awakened by my own voice.

I then realize I was dreaming and I look quickly for my phone to see what time it is, although I already know. I press on the home button and it lights up. 3:00 a.m.

Of course, I think and I lie back down and while my breathing goes back to normal, I begin praying thinking of when Jesus was left praying alone on the night of His capture while his friends were sleeping.

So, I do what I normally do. If I awaken from this kind of dream, I pray for those I know who may be lost or caught hold in the grips of darkness. If I awaken from a dream where a person I know is the “main character” then I pray specifically for them.

Does this ever happen to you? Do you feel the dark presence around you when you awaken? Don’t worry, you are not alone. It happens to me. I used to be bothered by it, but now, even though the experience is frightening, I’m almost glad it happens because it gives me an opportunity to pray.

Often days are busy and I forget to pray, so darkness may have it’s plans for me, but greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.

Writing, sharing…etc.

I want to share a post I just wrote on my other blog. Why? Well, it’s kind of proof to myself that I have, in fact, been writing. No, I have not written much fiction, or my next novel or whatever, but I have written. And today, I realized that if put together just so, I might have the pieces s of a potential future book about tutoring young children…so there. 😉

Anyway, to update, I have been pretty busy lately, not with just writing necessarily, but with 3 part-time jobs. And one of these jobs isn’t quite like the others, but I do know why I like it, more on that later.

But, for now, I want to share about a conundrum. The holidays are coming at a fierce pace and I’m not ready. I told myself that this year I wanted to enjoy the holidays, but what does that look like for a busy woman? What can be accomplished without spending too much money and with little planning time? And sadly, I don’t have a dining table!!

Anyway, that is my conundrum that I feel it has been self-imposed. Though I may have an imaginative mind and devotion to traditions, I had completely forgotten about how one of my jobs is linked to the one tradition, that happens every year, ~~that I hadn’t really cared to participate in~~: Black Friday! But, here I am, a cashier on the busiest shopping days of the season. How’s that supposed to make my holidays merrier?

But, that said, as cashier in the heart of Seattle, I have enjoyed chatting with tourist/customers and learning about various cultures and their favorite traditions and foods. I have enjoyed getting to know new co-workers and experiencing challenges in a field I know nothing about.

But, I have also struggled with time management, time for personal relationships, marriage, homework, cooking meals, etc… and finding balance with life in general. My dreams, melt-downs and messy house tell me so. Of course, perfection will never happen and I don’t expect to have all the answers, but I trust that if I follow the way of peace and kindness, I will be okay. But, along the way, if you experience my dark side, I’m sorry. Really, I am.

I want to be a Jedi. I need to be a Jedi.

~Peace

Day off reflections

This post will be a collection of random thoughts as I move to keep up with the rapidly changing dates on the calendar.

I believe the time is moving quicker than in the past and so each day, I wake up and remind myself that I’m not on vacation, even on days off. There is plenty of work to do each and every day and I’m grateful for it. There are many people who would be grateful to work or to have a family or to have two good legs to walk on. I have all this and more. I have been given much in my life and I ~~don’t~~ try not to take it for granted.

Next, I’m saying this next thing about myself, but I believe it to be true for most people. I’m not created to be any one thing. In this life I’m myself and have had the opportunity to experience and work on many things. Though I believe it’s best to focus on a gift, talent or knack to be the best at it, I don’t believe that a person has to only experience life doing the “one-thing”. I’m happy to say I’m experiencing life as a wife, mother, teacher, writer, artist, retail worker, etc.

As I move through life in the many roles/jobs I’ve been given, I consider the people who have been placed in my path. I consider what I may have to offer/give to the people around me and sometimes bigger, I consider what they may have to offer, teach, show, and challenge me with.

Though there is wisdom in holding your tongue and keeping your emotions in check (and I am challenged with this), I often wonder about all the things that other people hold back, the wisdom they’ve gained, the stories they hold, the lies they tell, the hopes they struggle to hold onto, the joy they’ve lost, the pain they carry.

Today, I’ve had some time to help, to ponder, to nurture, to cook, to write, to work and to face. It’s been a great day.

~peace.

Friday’s reflection

Lately, I feel as if a cat not only has my tongue, but the neurons attached to it that lead to the part of the brain where words are formulated! It sucks, too, since I call myself a writer. But, I refuse to call it writer’s block, that sounds so, well, easy or typical. I don’t think that’s true for me. I have plenty of words, opinions and ideas, but, I don’t always sit at my laptop and spew them all out.

I think I’ll just invent a new term. I think what I experience is a sort of writer’s hibernation phase.

What is W.H.P? (Writer’s Hibernation Phase) Well, it’s when you reach a certain age and the neurons in your brain have to realign themselves due to so much data exposure.

In other words, not all things slow down with age, actually, I believe things neurologically speaking, speed up. But, on the surface, it may appear to slow. But in reality, the older brain is sifting through data at rapid rates trying to sort through the many ideas, concepts, principles, etc. to let go of and which new input to adopt.

How’s that for a theory? 😉

Enjoy the weekend amigos!

~Peace.

Right

When I write, it’s because I lose faith in the ability for me to communicate, especially to those I love the most.

When I write, it’s because I have time to formulate and compose.

When I write, it’s because I have failed in some way, I write it’s because I’m trying to redeem myself.

When I write, it’s because I’ve exposed myself with words and I’m trying to cover the truth or trying (in hope) to expose a greater truth.

I write because it reveals truth and it is the truth that will set us free.

I write to be free.

~peace.

Work

What is work?

“activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.”

I looked up the definition because I think work means something different per each person. This description fits me because it goes beyond a paycheck. However, earning cash is a reward and puts a smile on my face.

But, more than the money is the sense of purpose that I believe we all need as humans.

I feel sad for the homeless person for that reason. I know they lack money, but I wonder if it’s more distressing to lack purpose? Or is their purpose to remind us (the ones who do have jobs, money, shelter, etc.) to remember to be grateful for what we have and not take it for granted and to give to those who are less fortunate?

Just thoughts.

There is inequity in our world and life is very unfair to a great amount of people. I think it’s best to keep it in mind to be grateful for what we have and to share our “wealth” with the poor.

~Peace friends.

Friday’s thoughts

Hi everyone,

TGIF!

Daily writing has been great for practicing writing, but I’ve also learned some things:

1. I’m not a very good news reporter. Despite technology and media, I seem to be a step behind the big news. I’ve not yet watched the Jon Stewart video that other people posted on FB. But, that’s okay, I don’t want to report the news.

2. I find myself struggling for purpose for writing and just writing for writing sake is fine and good practice, but I can see that pretty soon, I’ll just want a blog with a specific goal in mind or I’ll just want to write a novel.

I admit, transitioning from a day job to a writing from home job has been tough. I feel as if I’m floating in the sea, looking for land, fearing the sharks, but enjoying the relaxation as well. In the same scenario, a question becomes clear:

Am I actually going anywhere? Without a sail or someone to rescue me, will I ever reach land?

Mid Day Post

I’m unashamedly posting at 12:54 to keep my trend and to remain unpredictable. Or maybe that’s just me. The point is to remain steady with the goal.

To Write Daily.

In between chores and writing, I’ve been fixated this morning on the sad news of yesterdays shooting of innocent people, 6 women and 3 men. After reading the article on the Seattle Times, I decided that one thing I can do for now is to blog about it. Things of this nature need to interrupt our busyness, our goings about. We need to talk about, share, and do something. This is senseless!

The article says:

“This shooting “should be a warning to us all that we do have a problem in our society,” said state Rep. Wendell Gilliard, a Democrat whose district includes the church. “There’s a race problem in our country. There’s a gun problem in our country. We need to act on them quickly.”

I agree our country has a growing problem and my heart and prayers go out to the community in South Carolina. I’m asking myself, what can be done? What can I do?

Obama states,

“At some point, we as a country will have to reckon with the fact that this type of mass violence does not happen in other advanced countries,” Obama said.

Are we so fixated on our phones, our own agendas and busyness? Are we thinking about our children, grown and otherwise and what they’re into? Do we get alarmed at what they post on Facebook? Are we taking the time to have conversations with the people in our lives?

I’m asking myself today these questions and also the one about, “What can I do?”

~Peace friends.