ramblings – I Write

Cocoa Bombs

Those who know me understand that I love chocolate to a possibly dysfunctional level.

I own that. I know chocolate isn’t the answer to life’s big problems, but neither are a lot of other things in the world.

I’m just enjoying what the dark yummy substance adds to my life.

This post is not meant in any way to give hints for gift giving, necessarily, but more as an encouragement to enjoy some of the good things in life!

Another reason for this post is to share an imperfect outcome of a chocolate diy , I made cocoa bombs! They came out looking imperfect, but it was fun making them and looks don’t matter, they tasted great!

The mess has a purpose

Here on the right is a mess, but without knowing the story, you can’t know how it got to be there, why it’s the way it is and why certain pieces are part of this particular mess. That is because you do not know the planner or the purpose of the planner.

On the left is the outcome of such a mess. Inside the box are lessons that were planned from the mess. Inside the box, are lessons tailor made for the player of the box. It took a mess to get to the plan of the box. The things in the mess are not invaluable. The things left out of the box weren’t insignificant, they just weren’t needed. They didn’t belong in the plan, but they were part of the planning. They were sifted through, and put aside to be used at the right time.

As I look at both sides, the box with a plan and the mess, I ask myself, “Which do I prefer to work with?” I think and the answer is that I prefer the box with activities that I know will work for the player. I choose the box because the things in it have purpose for the growth of the player.

Think of these things. Chew on this analogy. What does it fit in your life?

Broken Glass

I had a dream. In the dream, I was carrying a glass filled with ice-water. I’m usually thirsty in real life if I’m dreaming this, but before waking up, I was bumped into by you know who. He was oblivious to the fact that I was standing right behind him with a glass in my hand. As he bumps into me, the glass falls, not quite shattered, but all the water spilled out of it.

I don’t remember being upset at him. It’s like I expected it. What is memorable is the image of me cleaning up the broken glass and holding up the glass and thinking. “You can’t drink out of a broken glass.” The glass is ruined.

I woke up sad, thirsty and unsatisfied. It was a fitting dream.

Let her be

This plant, I’d almost given up for dead, when in reality her new life was yet to be. I’m glad I waited and I’m still waiting to see the beauty she will bring forth. It’s taking it’s sweet damn time though!

It will be worth the wait, to see the colorful blooms in all their snobbish beauty. They will be the highlight and center of my attention, for a while. Even for a good while. Until, with life’s daily troubles, I will become distracted or neglectful of it’s beauty. Not necessarily on purpose, but by sheer humanness.

That is when I need to say, “Hey, look, take care, water, pay attention…snap-out-of-it!”

For this plant though, I’m glad I waited on her. I’m glad I kept watering her and giving her attention. And, as before, I know she will unveil her beauty in her sweet time. Give her time.

Traverse

It drives me to the coast of Rhome

It grants me passage to the peaks.

It yearns to harness nightly waves.

But, there in sleep, defenseless, I dream.

Then, realizing, I breathe and then turn away.

Awake, I rise from the warmth of the eve and rise to tangle in worlds unknown,

Traversing to corners and cultures new.

In woods and paths unknown, I unravel wounded threads,

Pass and intrude. In a gentle sweeping and uncovering, it’s trapped.

Hidden, trapped, desiring release.

I rest, waiting. Sometimes it comes.

I rest, waiting. Sometimes it flees.

Seeking. It can’t always be hidden.

Protected: Selfie-experiment

Snow Daze

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The last time I experienced so much snow around me was in Boise, ID with my daughter and today, I woke up to this in Seattle! It will probably melt soon it, but it’s a perfect “excuse” to sit in bed and write. It’s either that or go out and create a snow man of sorts. I did put on my very warm socks with the intention of taking some snow pictures later and taking a cold walk. We’ll see.

It’s also a great time for me to process some things. I think I seriously need to divulge because lately, my dreams are weirder than ever. I dreamed about mosquitos taking over a dish I was about to eat. I dreamed about a dog and how it killed an alligator that was in my bedroom and about trying to change a diaper and not being able to do it and last night about plants camouflaging to look like spiders!

So, I decided I needed to socially put this out there in hopes that it’ll alleviate some inner stress, face my struggles and hopefully help others who may be facing hard realities.

One thing. I am a true introvert and I don’t like to have attention drawn to me. So there’s that. And then my kids. First of all, they blow me away with their emotional intelligence. They have been open about their struggles and as a result, they face them head on while also (no doubt) helping those that struggle as they do and I’m encouraged to do the same thing.

So, I’ve been married for 24 years, but my marriage is ending and I’m separated. Even writing it down brings home it’s stark reality. But, strangely, writing about it also brings some peace. This is my very difficult reality and I’m not always together. People around me need to know why.

But, at the same time, I have healthy outlets and meaningful relationships. I also have a great therapist who I can see, if needed. I’m also a believer and so there’s the power of prayer. I have peace. But I still needed to be open with you.

My family, friends, readers. I need you and I value you. You are important in my life.

Thank you for allowing me this platform, this snowy day to truly update you.

~Peace and more peace….

Peace, repeat.

I’m actively pursuing peace, because, that does make sense and it’s what I’ve read to do in the bible, but I didn’t know one actually needs to hammer it out of life…

This morning, I woke up early, but not early enough to have my morning shower. It didn’t matter, I would just put on comfy clothes and makeup and make it work. I was proud that I had at least put my contacts in and made a straight enough line with my eye-liner.

I proceeded to my morning, feeling justified in calling a Lyft. I was awake and ready, no use being late if I could help it. Plus, parking is a *&%.

I arrived, sat near an outlet, plugged in my half-charged phone and smiled listening to an old, experienced man talk about having been in business for 45 years so far. He was still in business! I think that alone was worth the drive. And then…

When the 2nd speaker walked in, I had a dejavu feeling, and then the material seemed especially familiar. “Had I taken this workshop before?” Cue the “wut” look on my face.

After the 3rd speaker walks in and starts speaking, it was undeniable. I knew I had heard all of this before. UGH.

I paid 85 dollars for the workshop. Again. Really?

Peace, Lyft, sit, peace, listen, repeat, peace, Lyft, home.

Darkness, light, and the joy of Pj’s

So, was it yesterday that I wrote about Faith, Hope and Love and did I mention the dark side and stomping on it and all that? Well, I DO believe that’s possible, but today, I just feel the need to clarify a bit.

Darkness is dark and no one is excluded from being seduced by it. Just as misery loves company, the dark side “parties” with the induction of new recruits. So, that’s all, I just felt like yesterday’s post was incomplete. I’m done. End of sermon.

Now, this is random, but I’m excited…I found a new idea for fashion for 2017 and I’m totally serious about this: pajamas!

I’ve longed struggled with trying to find clothes that look good on me and as I get older, this problem only seems to get worse! Clothes look great on hangers, but try them on and no, just no to some of them.

Anyway, I recently read an email about sleep-wear being on sale and I browsed around and lo and behold the idea came to me…pajamas!

You’ve no idea how much peace and glee I found in the possibilities of what I could buy in this underrepresented fashion realm. Yay!

I may be an older woman, but I don’t care to wear some baby colored, frilly, felt, flowery nightgown or in Pepto- Bismol pink PJ’s that look (to me) like children’s onesies seriously.

No.

Instead, I looked on the Gap and Soma and check this out, on Bare Necessities, now that’s what I’m talking about. I’d even wear some of that to work!

All right, now, after all this writing of dark, light and pajamas and such, it’s getting late. It’s been a long day. Hope yours was good.

~Peace, light and PJ’s.

The opportunity

“Ho, ho, ho!” I don’t think that’s what a merry laugh really sounds like. I usually hear “Hah, hah, hah, snort, clap!” Maybe Santa was actually “Ho-ing”in an attempt at lifting all he had to carry this year? Maybe he wasn’t laughing at all??

But, seriously, Merry Christmas to you and Merry “other-holidays” to others.

I wish you well in these days that most agree come with a mixture of Merry-ness and all sorts of other “nesses”.

As the year comes to a close, I wish it farewell. Thankfully, it went fast! I’m trying not to dislike it and instead see it for what it is, an opportunity.

The opportunity to break. To finally reach a breaking point, to reach a sort of end and completeness. An”end” to things feels sucky and dark. But, the dark side’s power is a sham. As a matter of ~~fact~~, ~~belief,~~ faith, I think it has deep purpose.

I’m no expert. I’m no preacher, but I did watch some Star Wars movies. Old and new. The force is with us. (Look it up: mental and moral strength)

At some point, we can drag ourselves from this pit with the force, there waiting for us (if we want it) is the ever always heroes of: faith, hope and love.

And yes, the greatest of these is LOVE, but don’t discount FAITH and HOPE. These are BIG too. If needed, look at these as the branches of government. You get the idea.

Right now, if there is a sort of a dark power rising up in your life, step on the fucker with a foot of faith and hope. Even just a flicker will snuff out the power of the deadly red saber.

~May the FORCE be with you.