Snow Daze

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The last time I experienced so much snow around me was in Boise, ID with my daughter and today, I woke up to this in Seattle! It will probably melt soon it, but it’s a perfect “excuse” to sit in bed and write. It’s either that or go out and create a snow man of sorts. I did put on my very warm socks with the intention of taking some snow pictures later and taking a cold walk.  We’ll see.

It’s also a great time for me to process some things. I think I seriously need to divulge because lately, my dreams are weirder than ever.  I dreamed about mosquitos taking over a dish I was about to eat. I dreamed about a dog and how it killed an alligator that was in my bedroom and about trying to change a diaper and not being able to do it and last night about plants camouflaging to look like spiders!

So, I decided I needed to socially put this out there in hopes that it’ll alleviate some inner stress, face my struggles and hopefully help others who may be facing hard realities.

One thing. I am a true introvert and I don’t like to have attention drawn to me. So there’s that. And then my kids. First of all, they blow me away with their emotional intelligence.  They have been open about their struggles and as a result, they face them head on while also (no doubt) helping those that struggle as they do and I’m encouraged to do the same thing.

So, I’ve been married for 24 years, but my marriage is ending and I’m separated. Even writing it down brings home it’s stark reality. But, strangely, writing about it also brings some peace. This is my very difficult reality and I’m not always together. People around me need to know why.

But, at the same time, I have healthy outlets and meaningful relationships. I also have a great therapist who I can see, if needed. I’m also a believer and so there’s the power of prayer. I have peace. But I still needed to be open with you.

My family, friends, readers. I need you and I value you. You are important in my life.

Thank you for allowing me this platform, this snowy day to truly update you.

~Peace and more peace….

 

 

 

Darkness, light, and the joy of Pj’s

So, was it yesterday that I wrote about Faith, Hope and Love and did I mention the dark side and stomping on it and all that? Well, I DO believe that’s possible, but today, I just feel the need to clarify a bit.

Darkness is dark and no one is excluded from being seduced by it. Just as misery loves company, the dark side “parties” with the induction of new recruits. So, that’s all, I just felt like yesterday’s post was incomplete. I’m done. End of sermon.

Now, this is random, but I’m excited…I found a new idea for fashion for 2017 and I’m totally serious about this: pajamas!

I’ve longed struggled with trying to find clothes that look good on me and as I get older, this problem only seems to get worse! Clothes look great on hangers, but try them on and no, just no to some of them.

Anyway, I recently read an email about sleep-wear being on sale and I browsed around and lo and behold the idea came to me…pajamas!

You’ve no idea how much peace and glee I found in the possibilities of what I could buy in this underrepresented fashion realm. Yay!

I may be an older woman, but I don’t care to wear some baby colored, frilly, felt, flowery nightgown or in Pepto- Bismol pink PJ’s that look (to me) like children’s onesies seriously.

No.

Instead, I looked on the Gap and Soma and check this out, on Bare Necessities, now that’s what I’m talking about. I’d even wear some of that to work!

All right, now, after all this writing of dark, light and pajamas and such, it’s getting late. It’s been a long day. Hope yours was good.

~Peace, light and PJ’s.

A small gift of time

 

It’s given to us generously and we often take it for granted until we find ourselves with a lack of it. We fill our time with this and that. We dream of desires to do this and that when we steal a bit of time for ourselves. But, often, we don’t even do those things. *Guilty*

We sweep the floor, we shop for gifts, hang the stockings, wash the clothes, etc., but am I remembering that even those busy times are still times that others wish they had. While we stay busy, others suffer a time they hadn’t asked for and resent what has been given. Holiday time shouldn’t be for mourning, crying, or sitting alone. It shouldn’t involve being cold, hungry or desperately addicted.

Be still and know that He is God and we are not. But we can be guides, messengers, and vehicles for his love and healing. Am I listening to the voice that says “Allow yourselves to be used. Speak words of kindness, encouragement and peace to others who need it.”

I’ll try. If nothing else is produced in me, then please God, let it be that I can bring peace to another, kindness, and above all, love.

~Peace.

 

 

 

Writing, sharing…etc.

I want to share a post I just wrote on my other blog. Why? Well, it’s kind of proof to myself that I have, in fact, been writing. No, I have not written much fiction, or my next novel or whatever, but I have written. And today, I realized that if put together just so, I might have the pieces s of a potential future book about tutoring young children…so there. 😉

Anyway, to update, I have been pretty busy lately, not with just writing necessarily, but with 3 part-time jobs. And one of these jobs isn’t quite like the others, but I do know why I like it, more on that later.

But, for now, I want to share about a conundrum. The holidays are coming at a fierce pace and I’m not ready. I told myself that this year I wanted to enjoy the holidays, but what does that look like for a busy woman? What can be accomplished without spending too much money and with little planning time? And sadly, I don’t have a dining table!!

Anyway, that is my conundrum that I feel it has been self-imposed. Though I may have an imaginative mind and devotion to traditions,  I had completely forgotten about how one of my jobs is linked to the one tradition, that happens every year, that I hadn’t really cared to participate in: Black Friday! But, here I am, a cashier on the busiest shopping days of the season. How’s that supposed to make my holidays merrier?

But, that said, as cashier in the heart of Seattle, I have enjoyed chatting with tourist/customers and learning about various cultures and their favorite traditions and foods. I have enjoyed getting to know new co-workers and experiencing challenges in a field I know nothing about.

But, I have also struggled with time management, time for personal relationships, marriage, homework, cooking meals, etc… and finding balance with life in general. My dreams, melt-downs and messy house tell me so. Of course, perfection will never happen and I don’t expect to have all the answers, but I trust that if I follow the way of peace and kindness, I will be okay. But, along the way, if you experience my dark side, I’m sorry. Really, I am.

I want to be a Jedi. I need to be a Jedi.

~Peace

 

Monday

So, last thing on the bug thing: I did find his corpse, so he was all dead.

Now, moving on from that to other (#random) topics. Seattle has become a mixture of clouds, rain and gorgeous sunny days. The colors of fall are mostly orange. As I drive across the Aurora bridge to work, I think about where I could perch myself to get a shot of the trees and when?? I have a “C” in picture taking lately, which causes my photo blog to become stagnant. I need a pic taking goal.

I’ve also had many thoughts about Colorado recently. If you’ve lived there you would understand. The leaves of an Aspen tree become so vibrant during Autumn. And it made me fall in love with fall 😉

I must eat breakfast…that is all for now.

~Peace amigos.

 

 

 

It started with a bug, Pt. 2

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This is part 2 of a 2 part post. Read yesterday’s if you want to be clued in, but basically I lost a bug and now I FOUND HIM!

I’m ashamed about this part, but I was actually late to an appointment this morning because after I found the bug, I had to photograph him so I could do a follow up post! (And also to prove to myself that I wasn’t crazy or had digested a bug)

The bad news is, I found him on my side of the bed and it made me wonder…had the bug been on me in the middle of the night? (EWW, and Ugh)

But, it doesn’t matter and as I neared to him to take his picture (which was terribly out of focus), he puffed himself up (to scare me) and it worked!

I took off to the kitchen to find some chemicals to kill the bug (not thinking about the wood floors) and I found the Clorox bleach all-purpose cleaner. I ran back to my room and sprayed him. I guess he was mostly dead because he was still not moving and was barely able to move away from the deadly foam.

It was as he made his slow escape,  I thought about the bleach on the wood floors.

Not wishing to scoot the bug with anything, but needing to clean up the chemicals, I waited with a hand towel and as the bug slowly made his death march, tipped on it’s back and breathed it’s last. I quickly wiped up the Clorox narrowly missing touching the bug with the towel, and then quickly left for my appointment.

I have yet to check if his corpse is where I had left it, if it’s not, then there will be a part 3. If it’s still there, thank you for staying with me through my bug phobia finale.

~Peace (we’ll see)

 

No Longer

To “no longer” is to linger no more.

To “no longer” is to reboot.

To “no longer” is to act boldly on a new idea.

To “no longer” is to seek and pursue a more peaceful way.

To “no longer” manages chronic pain.

To “no longer” is to change directions.

To “no longer” is to excitedly wander in new lands.

To “no longer” is to discover renewed strength.

To “no longer” is to rest a matter.

To “no longer” is to stop the course.

To “no longer” is to choose a new way.

 

Take Me Away

I wrote this with those in mind whose lives have recently (and not so recently) been invaded by the terrible choices that other humans make. I can’t understand, nor have I lived this terror myself. But, I’m realizing that this could be my life. It could be anyone’s life, unfortunately. But today, I can only imagine the pain, the tears. But I do care and think about the unimaginable that has become another’s life.

With still heavy lids, I woke up to a strange and terrible rumble, the shattering of glass, the smell of death and screams.

It invaded my dream of sandy beaches and the noise of a children’s laughter.

The terror of today took my life.

Took the life I had known. The life I had grown to love,

My life filled with love, with peace, the smell, the taste, the sounds of home.

That was my life, that was our life, that was our home.

Many, many days before, so long ago, so long ago…so long.

So… long… ago.

And now, I run, I hide, I fear not knowing where to go or where to sleep.

Where do I go, oh where do I go, where do I go, where should we go?

And finally I stop, I only stop because my feet can’t go anymore. I fall exhausted to the

ground. I rest because I have to. I try to.

I sleep. But, my mind forgot how to rest,  I recycle the images I can’t deal with during the day.

I awake trembling, searching, but groggy with sleep.

I succumb again…I sleep for a

moment.

Then, it begins again, the noise invades.

This is my life. A life with no home.

When I find I can’t run anymore, or sleep.

I find a corner and I weep.

I weep as a unconsolable child heaving and hugging myself into an ever smaller person.

I desire to disappear, to hide from my reality.

Because this is not life, this is not home, I have no peace, I have no hope.

Help, help, help me from this hell.

Take me away from here. Please take me away far from here. Take me, take me away, I pray take me away, take me away, take me away…from here.

My tears stop in my trembling hand, I hear a whisper, ” I’m here. I’m sorry.”

I look up I cry and I scream, “Why….,” I’m filled with anger…”Why?!…why?!.”

I hear nothing, but silence. It’s strange at first, I look around…wait, but nothing,

For the moment. And then…

The wind moves the trees, and the raindrops begin, quietly…steady..and then a deluge.

The thunder crashes and the earth vibrates with the thunder. It repeats again and again.

I have no fear. The storm reverberates.

And I know, he sees, he feels, he hears, he knows.

I see my trembling hand taken, I feel my hair caressed, I sense my face being touched and I hear…

“I’ll take you away, from here, from here, I’ll take you away from here, I’ll take you. I’ll take you, I’ll take you away, away,  away, take you away…take you from here, far away from here. Away from here.

I’ll take you away. I’ll take you away….away from here.

The thunder rumbles, the wind calms, the rain steadies. The storm is over. For the moment. A moment. Just a moment.

For just a moment…

He took me away, away from here. From the hell down here. From all the pain down here, In my life… right here. He took me, he took me, he took me and shook me awake, he took me away.

From here.

 

 

 

 

 

Blogging

So, I saw a little symbol on my blog that indicated that I’ve been active on WordPress for 6 years! Really?!  It was hard to believe! I want to be proud of that, but with my lack of writing activity lately, I feel a bit undeserving of the trophy icon. Regardless, I want to thank any supporters (likes and followers) that I’ve had on this and my other site Enjoy in those 6 years.

Although it’s very hard to connect with each and every follower and liker, I wanted to mention that before I like and follow sites, I do go out and take a peek at what the site is about and if I jibe with it, then I reciprocate the like.

On another note, recently, I’ve followed quite a few fashion/beauty websites that I admire and I don’t necessarily have anything in common with, but I believe in what they’re doing and how they’re sharing their fashion/ beauty knowledge (of which I have none) and how they positively present their face and body.

Now, as for me and my writing goals, well, let’s just say I’ve not given up, and that I’ve been mostly busy, but keeping the “head-journal” going as I go about with the other things I do. I read somewhere that some people actually “write” a novel in their head long before typing out the words on the keyboard. I think I’m experiencing that kind of data collecting lately. It’s fun and freeing.

It’s late, so thanks again for stopping in. Have a good rest of your week.

~Peace.

Peace, restore, give

I enjoy people and relationships, but the truth is, I’m an introvert. There’s nothing wrong with me or the people I enjoy, but I must achieve a balance in order to be restored into the better, relaxed version of myself. So, even though it’s hard to carve out, I find a moment to spend some time alone. I think, I breathe, I pray, I veg.

And afterwards, like a small child after a nap, I metamorpho-size into a more relaxed version of myself, and then, I can then give of myself to others.

Our purpose as humans (in my humble, albeit introverted opinion) is to give of ourselves to others. Day by day, we flit by in the lives of others, a small interruption into the daily routines of others and we have a choice. We can be a warm, loving, compassionate person or we can be the opposite, bitchy, critical, angry, or bitter. (among other things).

Though I have bad days, I (try) to choose the former because, I’ve seen what happens afterwards… lines on a face smooth out, the downward pull on the mouth straightens, even at times, lips lift and smile. The light in the eyes (no matter the age) ignite. And these small observances create in me hope and possibility and even a bit of optimism.

Try this, be observant. You can see it happen if you’re looking. Choose to give your best self to others.  Let me know how it goes.

~True Peace