Monday words

Today, I awoke with a song in my head. I’m not a musician, but sometimes songs come into my head without any way for me to get them out, so I just enjoy them in my head. I’m not sure if I have musical talent, but I was successful at birthing a few musicians, so there’s that.

Anyway, I’m motivated today to think positive and to inspire others. To what? Mostly just to have faith and to keep things real.

People aren’t perfect, but I think we seem pretty good at putting pressure on others to be perfect and the only outcome to that is added stress, anxiety, and fatigue. These things lead to anti-production, illness and worse, take away from our potential instead of adding to it.

People will try to tell you what to do, how to think and how to appear so that you could be acceptable to the world. Not sure how to spell it, but I remember my daughter using this sound and it fits “Psh!” That is what I say to all that. (I try!) My husband would say, “F*&$^#@ it!” and to him I say, “Yeah”

To those individuals (like me) who have a harder time saying those things out loud and believe it, I say, “Don’t give up!” “You’re worth it!” And listen to what comes each day. If it’s a song, enjoy it, if it’s a word of encouragement, share it. If it’s silence, then take a deep breath and know that the answer is coming. It’s coming and in the meantime, wait and play your favorite song.  Or better yet, put on the video.

Here’s one of mine:

~Peace friends!

Just “right”!

For the sake of this not being an actual journal, I’ll keep things light and remember the purpose is just to write. Plain write. I’ve been delinquent, yes, but I’ve also been walking about, doing chores and thinking about, reflecting on, mourning, and enjoying life.

It’s unfortunate that I’ve gotten a bit hooked on watching Grey’s Anatomy. But I’ve kept the madness to 2 episodes a day. So far, the show mostly highlights how people are people and how they’ll disappoint you. At 48, I’ve learned that lesson by now, but I’ve also learned to stay open to the experience that people can surprise you and wow you, and leave you with your mouth hanging open at their passions, love, talent, empathy, etc. So, I watch for these things among the more prevalent yuck.

I traveled to Montana recently and realized that there are acres and acres of beautiful land out there, all for the feet to trample on, eyes to gaze at and photographic equipment to focus on it. But, after living in Seattle for three years, it can’t compete.

I won’t go into all the beauty of Seattle, but I’m grateful to have landed here and though it’s been difficult socially, I’m content to make a home out of it.

~Peace friends!

Yay! Books!

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So, for today’s outing I went to the neighborhood Goodwill and found these Dr. Seuss books for a steal at .79 each!  I don’t have young children anymore, but I love children’s books and especially the fun to read kind.

Unlike yesterday, that was the highlight of my “getting out”. It was really hot outside (but nothing like Texas though) and as I walked along the neighborhood, I had some house envy. I like the house we’re renting, but still, there are such cute houses in Seattle, seriously, each one looks like a doll house!

Anyway, it was a good, albeit hot walk and I didn’t make it to the gym, but a walk added to my exercise quota for today. My family is out hiking in Montana and I’ll join them Sunday when they get to the lodge. I can’t wait to see them!

I also used my alone time to clean out the garage. I know! Fun times! Be jealous!

But my work rewarded me with finding a box of unpacked cool wine glasses that I’d forgotten about and also some cool red rimmed martini glasses.

~Peace and Happy Friday everyone!

Getting out

I started the day in pain, physical pain. It was taken care of with a couple of Advil, but it slowed me down for the morning. Later, despite the lag in energy, I got out for a brief walk to the nearby store.

In just that 20 minute walk to and from the store, I saw 5 things to lift my mood:

1) Despite the drought, I still saw many flowers that took my breathe away. A few I hadn’t seen before like orange daisies and a lighter colored sun flower.

2) I admired a child’s “take-one, leave-one” display that I’ve seen before, but keep forgetting to  bring something with me to exchange, (next time).

3) I saw a man walking his pair of goats. I wanted to take a picture, but I was too shy. As the goats walked, they nibbled and weeded yards. Cool!

4) On my way home, since the sky is cloudless today, I saw in the distance, the mountain range, beautiful.

5) Also, in the cloudless blue sky, I saw a series of airplanes that will probably be part of the Seafair festival out for a practice run. I know it’s a big deal here in Seattle this weekend.

Unstuck

I think just saying that I was stuck unstuck me, or I just woke up with a fresh attitude. It doesn’t matter because I’ve created a somewhat schedule for myself and I’m going to attempt to do my job. That is, be a writer.

Yes, it’s time to pull out the novel and at least work on editing the first chapter. I won’t do it all day long, just a bit. Let’s see how that goes. My orchid bloomed and I’m going to take it as a sign of new birth, new beginnings, the sign of new things to come. Wanna see it? Go here. This is the plants second set of  “children” and I did love those other blooms, but this one’s a beaut!

~Peace friends.

Stuck

So, today, I realized that I’m stuck, but that it’s for a good reason. There’s a part of me that’s tired, exhausted. I’m not wanting any pity or sympathy; facts are facts. Tired people don’t produce as well as they could if they’re rested.  Resting, exercising, making good food choices even “veg-ging” are all things that will help along with something else. Waiting.

Waiting isn’t the popular thing to do for people who enjoy producing. I just need to realize that being tired is a legit result of living through a lengthy emotionally driven time period.

It’s okay to take a break, a mental break, physical break, emotional break. It doesn’t have to mean the end of anything, but just a break in the action of life.

So, there it is. I’ll return when I can.

A new day

Yesterday, I kinda went on a preaching tangent, but that’s what wine and such can do. Today is a new day filled with possibilities, I’m sure.

As I sit in my backyard, I’m thinking back on my vacation and decided to remember it this way. Did I say “vaca” yesterday? Ugh.

1. Her faraway thoughts came to the surface and came forth, not quite as tears, but as an extra liquid layer to her green eyes.

2. His movements were robotic, as he walked into the bar. The drink in his hand had failed to erase the tension in his jerky movements.

3. Her forced smile belied the depression which stormed her mind.

4. To herself, she danced in a free spirited fashion, but to others, she appeared awkward and almost “monkey-like” in her attempts.

5. They moved as one on the dance floor as she stared and imagined the movements horizontally.

6. Her teacher tried to rub the tiredness from her eyes unsuccessfully and left more lines in the wake.

7. She forced herself to look at the clock on the wall, as her father shuffled in slowly from the kitchen. As he passed, she gave him a smile hoping that her love would give him more time.

8. The irritation bubbled over and spilled out in correction to her mother and later formed a pit that lodged itself in her stomach.

9. She lay head spinning on the soft sheets contemplating whether or not to sleep in the toilet or not.

10. As she lay in her childhood bed, the memories tackled her into fitful sleep.

The whole day

Seriously, it took the whole day and two glasses of Pinot Grisio to get me in front of the screen to write. Oh, and a square inch of Theo’s dark chocolate. I could’ve eaten the whole bar, but I need to pace myself on the stuff, a slow steady supply is perfect for the soul.

Anyway, here I am and I facing some heavy reflections from my vaca. Here in lovely Seattle, where the air and water are fresh and the connections few, I have time to think, to sit, to ponder. I think that what is important fades to the background here, but it doesn’t disappear. It’s a constant on my heart and mind, the conversations, the interactions I had with the people I love. They don’t go away.  I know and have learned what’s important in life. I’m one blessed individual to have been given a chance, again, not one chance, but multiple to figure it out.

Do I have it all figured out? H-e–l-l no! (I’ve wanted to say that!) I’m not saying that. I’m blessed, but I have obeyed the “voice”of God these days because I know I didn’t in my past. I was the queen of doing what I pleased. I was the quintessential brat. Spoiled in the “soul”way. I thought life revolved around my desires. I had to be shown I wasn’t all that. I had to be torn down to finally “see”. My life had to come crashing down around me in order for me to smell coffee brewing.

Do I know 100% what He wants from me in this life? No, I don’t. Do I have the answers to the problems of this world? Not even close. My gift isn’t intellect, nor especially insight. That isn’t what He’s given me. What He’s given me is mercy. I deserve punishment for ALL the wrong I have done and continue to do, but no, He continues to give me mercy and I’m just so grateful, so, so grateful.

But here’s the thing. I’m not special. I’m not favored. I believe His love is for everyone. Everyone is given the same as God gives me. His gifts are for all who choose to believe and who choose love.

What are you going to choose today? What voice are you obeying today? What has happened in your life to get your attention? What has happened that has made food unappealing and life scary? Are you wondering how you’ll live another day? Yeah, I’ve been there as well. I want you to know you’re not alone. I remember it well and won’t allow myself to forget it.

I will write

I’m still here. After thinking about the goals for my site and I’ve decided to “try on” a different theme. The goal here is writing and my previous theme, though appealing, kept me from my goal as I was focusing too much on thinking of what photo to highlight or which would match the writing.  So, for those of you that enjoy my photography, please visit my photo blog. The purpose of that site is photos. For this site, I will write.

I spent a few weeks in my hometown of Fort Worth, Texas visiting, thinking, reflecting and plotting as usual. Is there an artist that doesn’t plot, scheme, dream or wonder? Whether it was the sweltering heat, or the food choices or lack of chocolate, I came away from my vacation more sure than fearful about the path of my future career. I will write. Though the use of a comma evades me, I will write.

I even enjoyed the fantasy of becoming a novelist. But, it occurred to me that there is one thing that I don’t have in common with story writers. It seems to me that most novelists enjoy telling stories, while I fancy the weaving of a story. Makes me wonder if instead I just need to try to play Minecraft?

Eh, no, there’s something about the written word that is joyful, playful, and open to possibilities that appeals to me, is me.

~I will write.

Finding home

There’s plenty of hospitality and friendliness and smiles in Texas, that’s true. The visits with friends and family are welcomed fun and needed. The familiarity of what I once considered home, comforts my soul, like putting on a worn jacket when that first chill of fall makes it’s presence known.

I’m keeping my heart open to the realities of my life. There was a time when I struggled to find a place to call home. I longed to find a place to hang my hat, to grow roots, but no more. I’m not running anymore. I have found my places to be, my places to visit with the people I love and cherish. Home for me is my loved ones. The ones who make my heart sing.

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Downtown Fort Worth. My home town and where my son currently lives.

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Kansas City, where my son plans to move.
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Seattle is where my husband, daughter and I currently reside.