No Longer

To “no longer” is to linger no more.

To “no longer” is to reboot.

To “no longer” is to act boldly on a new idea.

To “no longer” is to seek and pursue a more peaceful way.

To “no longer” manages chronic pain.

To “no longer” is to change directions.

To “no longer” is to excitedly wander in new lands.

To “no longer” is to discover renewed strength.

To “no longer” is to rest a matter.

To “no longer” is to stop the course.

To “no longer” is to choose a new way.

 

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October’s Thoughts

I’m sorry, but if time doesn’t fly, then whatever it is that it’s doing is undoubtedly equivalent to some sort of tangible (or intangible!) movement. The last time I posted on here is September, and a whole month has gone by. I have not even bought a freakin’ pumpkin’ and all the ornaments are hung up in the stores!

Is this the phenomenon of aging? Or are young people experiencing this as well?

It doesn’t matter, the update is as follows:

  1. I appreciate the time I’m given on earth. My life is much easier than many millions of people. I may not be rich (depending of some people’s definition), but I’m sure as hell privileged and I’m quite aware of it and grateful.
  2. I love learning. I love learning about people. I love learning about people and their various experiences. I love learning about people, their culture and their various food experiences.
  3. This week I’ve learned what “soldiers” are in terms of an English dish. It’s when you put half a soft boiled egg into an elegant egg cup, (making sure there’s runny yolk) and then putting at least 6 skinny slices of toast in it for dipping. (Please feel free to correct me!)
  4. Motivation is a curious thing. In my opinion, it appeals to us (humans) to have desirable choices offered especially when faced with the inevitable choices we encounter daily in having to work. (Not sure that makes sense even to me)
  5. I enjoy discovering human’s fallibility. (Just me?)
  6. I have a rebellious streak and I push limits of authority.
  7. I like fairness.

~That’s all, it’s late. Goodnight.

Peace, restore, give

I enjoy people and relationships, but the truth is, I’m an introvert. There’s nothing wrong with me or the people I enjoy, but I must achieve a balance in order to be restored into the better, relaxed version of myself. So, even though it’s hard to carve out, I find a moment to spend some time alone. I think, I breathe, I pray, I veg.

And afterwards, like a small child after a nap, I metamorpho-size into a more relaxed version of myself, and then, I can then give of myself to others.

Our purpose as humans (in my humble, albeit introverted opinion) is to give of ourselves to others. Day by day, we flit by in the lives of others, a small interruption into the daily routines of others and we have a choice. We can be a warm, loving, compassionate person or we can be the opposite, bitchy, critical, angry, or bitter. (among other things).

Though I have bad days, I (try) to choose the former because, I’ve seen what happens afterwards… lines on a face smooth out, the downward pull on the mouth straightens, even at times, lips lift and smile. The light in the eyes (no matter the age) ignite. And these small observances create in me hope and possibility and even a bit of optimism.

Try this, be observant. You can see it happen if you’re looking. Choose to give your best self to others.  Let me know how it goes.

~True Peace

 

End of summer

Today, I’m trying to embrace the fact that I woke up and got up at a painful 6 a.m and took some time to just be. I needed it and I needed to write or at least feel like I’m writing. 😉

I don’t often wish this happened more often because I enjoy sleep, but the quiet I seem to need lately happens at these awful times. The early morning sounds, the smell of the plants wafting into the windows, the faraway sound of the highway (really?), and the birds chirping (minus loud crows).

It’s what my soul craves.

This morning, I’m also thinking about how much I enjoy having grown kids. It’s exciting to watch them become young adults and make their way in the world. There’s no school supply shopping, no thoughts of making lunches nor jumping quickly into vehicles and joining the procession of hurrying vehicles.

Thinking about those days makes me tired, but I admit, there are parts of that season I miss also.

So, if you run into me and wonder what I’ve been doing lately, I’m just focusing time and energy into my marriage, my grown kids and working. Though I have creativity in my being,  participating in it fluctuates, but it’s okay, I’ve learned by now, creativity comes in waves and I don’t need to stress that I’ve lost who I am or that I’ve betrayed my soul.

~peace.

 

 

Right

When I write, it’s because I lose faith in the ability for me to communicate, especially to those I love the most.

When I write, it’s because I have time to formulate and compose.

When I write, it’s because I have failed in some way,  I write it’s because I’m trying to redeem myself.

When I write, it’s because I’ve exposed myself with words and I’m trying to cover the truth or trying (in hope) to expose a greater truth.

I write because it reveals truth and it is the truth that will set us free.

I write to be free.

~peace.

Thursday Off…

IMG_0079

Whoever added Chocolate to a cereal I hadn’t bought prior, thanks. It’s pretty darn tasty. And the amount of chocolate is generous. Good job!!

At times I wake up and don’t feel like having my usual fruit/veg smoothie or oatmeal, so this is what I have. I’ve been known on occasion to even eat cereal for lunch.

Okay, enough of my eating habits. I want to update and say that we’re mostly moved in. Now, it’s not time for a party by any means, but the place is coming together. I still like it, but the honeymoon period is over. The good news is that my husband and I can make any place feel a bit better with ALL the artwork we own. The bad news: My husband and I may need to open up a gallery of some sort at some point. We have too many items and not enough walls!!

I’m gonna switch the subject and take a moment for the artist in me to vent:

I have this perpetual itch to create something! I’m looking around at our stuff, art supplies, sketch journals, thousands of pens, markers, etc. and it’s just driving me crazy!

Okay, that’s enough, I could go on, and I know the answer is to just do it! And I will. If you’ve moved enough times, you know how disruptive and irritating it can be to creative juices. I feel like a can of soda that’s been shaken with no release for the pressure.

So, if you come across me and see the “resting bitch face”, well, it may be a real bitch face. You’ve been warned. 😉

~Peace …I seek thee…

 

 

 

One of those days

I don’t care to vent it out because it takes too much energy out of me and I need to keep some for our upcoming move. I’ll need it.

But, it has been one of those days.

I don’t want to ask why, because it really doesn’t matter why certain things happen; high and low days will occur.

The challenge, my challenge is to breathe, stay calm and turn.

I have a choice, to turn away from discouragement and to turn towards positivity.

Nothing was lost today that can’t be replaced. There are far worst days that others these days at this very hour are suffering and there are worse things to lose. Therefore, the choice is really easy if I just take a minute to think about it.

I chose to be grateful. There really is no other choice that makes sense for me. I’m grateful for the life I’ve been given, and for the people who grace my life. I may not own the world, but I have love. If not for love, I would surely perish and lose heart.

 

 

Tuesday evening rant…

So, I apologize if what comes out is too “Eh…” I’m only human and humans can’t naturally say 🙂 all the time, it’s impossible!

SO, this is my attempt to purge out of me the occasional negativity which plagues me during winter months. Does it happen to you? The grey skies, the monotony of the daily grind, the tiresome chores of laundry, cooking, grocery shopping and the like?

I’m venting this out into the world of the internet, no I’m screaming it! Can’t you hear me? OH…I forgot, I would have to type in all caps, but because of my introverted shy nature, I feel rude when I type in all caps, so I’ll just rant in lower case font. It’s enough for now.

Part of the reason for my rant is that I have to move and I don’t want to. Well, maybe it’s more that I’m just not ready to. I’ve done it so many times in my life that it’s lost it’s romanticism. All it means now is getting a new address, learning new street names, and ripping open boxes of “prized” stuff.

I’m tired, but I guess it must be done. Is there a go fund me of sorts for getting others to move me? If so, let me know and I’ll look into it.

Wow, all those letters, fonts, words and sentences for a rant. Thanks for allowing me the pleasure.

~peace friends.

Keep going

You just gotta keep going. It doesn’t matter if you write a sentence, or a word. Or simply, just read what you wrote. But, put eyes on your work. That’s what I’ve learned so far. Life keeps happening full of appointments, texts, breaking news and chores. It doesn’t stop and so writer’s just learn to work around it. That’s what you do. That’s what all other people who have careers do.

A question I’m asking myself is: Is it harder for me to stay focused, motivated, on task because the work happens with little monetary reward? There is reward, but most of the victories before publishing happen in private, in your living room, or on a blog with virtual strangers.

Anyway, I haven’t worked for pay this school year (I’m a substitute teacher) and I’m learning to embrace the career I’ve chosen. The biggest thanks I would like to give for this opportunity goes to my loving, supportive husband. Thank you Phillip! I love you.

~Peace friends.

Friday thoughts

Many thoughts swirling around and it’s Friday, a somber Friday. A 9-11 Friday. Where was I? I was in my suburbia home in Texas with my three small children gathered around the television just as many that day were. I had just listened to a message from my husband that he’d left early on the answer machine. He was in Florida on a business trip. His voice and breathing sounded strained, and fearful and it got my heart racing.

I turned on the television and was watching with my children trying to put together what my husband said in the message with what I was viewing live on television. The scene was playing again and again and the towers were smoking, but still standing. I’m sure my children had begun playing, but I could see they were also noting the distress in my countenance.

I stayed watching, listening to the reports and thinking, “Oh my, this is war!” and just as I was thinking a thought like this, I saw on the television as the first tower fell and I couldn’t believe it. It came down in waves and I was horrified thinking of all the people who were in it, around it and under it. I looked at the innocent faces of my young children and they were looking at me putting my hand to my chest and shaking my head. I decided reluctantly to turn it off at that moment. They like me had just witnessed a horrific, deadly scene.

I wanted to keep watching because I wondered what else might happen and what other building might be struck, and to make sure we were safe, but I couldn’t subject my children to this reality anymore. I wanted them to keep playing and to laugh and smile to help keep the normalcy in our home.

Sometime that day, my husband would call back and tell me that it would be days before I saw him because he would not be flying, but instead car pooling his way back to Texas with his co-workers. There would be no flying for a while. I was both thankful to hear his voice and grateful that we were alive when so many had lost their lives, but also I just wanted to be near him and to be held by him so that I could fall apart.

My thoughts and prayers are with all those involved. No, we didn’t forget.

~Peace.