I don’t care to vent it out because it takes too much energy out of me and I need to keep some for our upcoming move. I’ll need it.
But, it has been one of those days.
I don’t want to ask why, because it really doesn’t matter why certain things happen; high and low days will occur.
The challenge, my challenge is to breathe, stay calm and turn.
I have a choice, to turn away from discouragement and to turn towards positivity.
Nothing was lost today that can’t be replaced. There are far worst days that others these days at this very hour are suffering and there are worse things to lose. Therefore, the choice is really easy if I just take a minute to think about it.
I chose to be grateful. There really is no other choice that makes sense for me. I’m grateful for the life I’ve been given, and for the people who grace my life. I may not own the world, but I have love. If not for love, I would surely perish and lose heart.
So, I apologize if what comes out is too “Eh…” I’m only human and humans can’t naturally say 🙂 all the time, it’s impossible!
SO, this is my attempt to purge out of me the occasional negativity which plagues me during winter months. Does it happen to you? The grey skies, the monotony of the daily grind, the tiresome chores of laundry, cooking, grocery shopping and the like?
I’m venting this out into the world of the internet, no I’m screaming it! Can’t you hear me? OH…I forgot, I would have to type in all caps, but because of my introverted shy nature, I feel rude when I type in all caps, so I’ll just rant in lower case font. It’s enough for now.
Part of the reason for my rant is that I have to move and I don’t want to. Well, maybe it’s more that I’m just not ready to. I’ve done it so many times in my life that it’s lost it’s romanticism. All it means now is getting a new address, learning new street names, and ripping open boxes of “prized” stuff.
I’m tired, but I guess it must be done. Is there a go fund me of sorts for getting others to move me? If so, let me know and I’ll look into it.
Wow, all those letters, fonts, words and sentences for a rant. Thanks for allowing me the pleasure.
You just gotta keep going. It doesn’t matter if you write a sentence, or a word. Or simply, just read what you wrote. But, put eyes on your work. That’s what I’ve learned so far. Life keeps happening full of appointments, texts, breaking news and chores. It doesn’t stop and so writer’s just learn to work around it. That’s what you do. That’s what all other people who have careers do.
A question I’m asking myself is: Is it harder for me to stay focused, motivated, on task because the work happens with little monetary reward? There is reward, but most of the victories before publishing happen in private, in your living room, or on a blog with virtual strangers.
Anyway, I haven’t worked for pay this school year (I’m a substitute teacher) and I’m learning to embrace the career I’ve chosen. The biggest thanks I would like to give for this opportunity goes to my loving, supportive husband. Thank you Phillip! I love you.
Many thoughts swirling around and it’s Friday, a somber Friday. A 9-11 Friday. Where was I? I was in my suburbia home in Texas with my three small children gathered around the television just as many that day were. I had just listened to a message from my husband that he’d left early on the answer machine. He was in Florida on a business trip. His voice and breathing sounded strained, and fearful and it got my heart racing.
I turned on the television and was watching with my children trying to put together what my husband said in the message with what I was viewing live on television. The scene was playing again and again and the towers were smoking, but still standing. I’m sure my children had begun playing, but I could see they were also noting the distress in my countenance.
I stayed watching, listening to the reports and thinking, “Oh my, this is war!” and just as I was thinking a thought like this, I saw on the television as the first tower fell and I couldn’t believe it. It came down in waves and I was horrified thinking of all the people who were in it, around it and under it. I looked at the innocent faces of my young children and they were looking at me putting my hand to my chest and shaking my head. I decided reluctantly to turn it off at that moment. They like me had just witnessed a horrific, deadly scene.
I wanted to keep watching because I wondered what else might happen and what other building might be struck, and to make sure we were safe, but I couldn’t subject my children to this reality anymore. I wanted them to keep playing and to laugh and smile to help keep the normalcy in our home.
Sometime that day, my husband would call back and tell me that it would be days before I saw him because he would not be flying, but instead car pooling his way back to Texas with his co-workers. There would be no flying for a while. I was both thankful to hear his voice and grateful that we were alive when so many had lost their lives, but also I just wanted to be near him and to be held by him so that I could fall apart.
My thoughts and prayers are with all those involved. No, we didn’t forget.
So, for today’s outing I went to the neighborhood Goodwill and found these Dr. Seuss books for a steal at .79 each! I don’t have young children anymore, but I love children’s books and especially the fun to read kind.
Unlike yesterday, that was the highlight of my “getting out”. It was really hot outside (but nothing like Texas though) and as I walked along the neighborhood, I had some house envy. I like the house we’re renting, but still, there are such cute houses in Seattle, seriously, each one looks like a doll house!
Anyway, it was a good, albeit hot walk and I didn’t make it to the gym, but a walk added to my exercise quota for today. My family is out hiking in Montana and I’ll join them Sunday when they get to the lodge. I can’t wait to see them!
I also used my alone time to clean out the garage. I know! Fun times! Be jealous!
But my work rewarded me with finding a box of unpacked cool wine glasses that I’d forgotten about and also some cool red rimmed martini glasses.
~Peace and Happy Friday everyone!