It started with a bug

I haven’t slept very well for a while. I keep waking up at odd hours and one night when I woke up, I reached for my phone and started surfing the web and heard a buzz near my ear. Not wanting to panic or wake others, I shook my hair out and walked quickly to the bathroom to find the bug. I had spotted that ugly black bug earlier in the day and forgotten about it, but with the attraction to the light of my phone, it let me know that it still lived.

I was confused and having de ja vu. This bug was sizable and though I’ve experienced a spider or two here in Seattle, bugs were pretty much off the radar. Had I brought this bug here from a recent trip to Texas? Where had this bug come from??

The next evening, knowing the buzzing bug still lived, I delayed going to bed. I didn’t care to share my bedroom with an ugly bug. I remembered it’s attraction to the light, and so I experimented. I left lights on outside my bedroom hoping to draw the bug out. I waited until a little after midnight and with heavy eye-lids, finally, I decided (cleverly I thought) to place a nightlight strategically close to the window (where I saw it last), but far from my side of the bed and then I went reluctantly to bed.

I struggled to fall asleep “tenting” a sheet around my head, not wishing to have a buzz near my ear or face. I finally fell asleep convincing myself that the bug would be more attracted to the night-light than my face.

The next day, after waking up, and thinking my plan succeeded, I walked to the bathroom peering around both hoping and dreading to see the bug. But, it wasn’t there. It was early, and still dark outside, so I returned to bed and dove back under the covers and tried unsuccessfully to go back to sleep. So, I tented the sheet around me, pulled out my phone, dimmed the screen and read until I got sleepy again hoping not to hear a bug buzz near me. I finally fell asleep again.

An hour or so later, I woke up with a sore head and not feeling rested. I went to work foggy and my stomach starting to ache.

I stayed at work feeling yuck and then went home gratefully. When I got home, I walked into my bedroom pulling and ruffling the drapes, hoping to see (and not see) the dreaded bug. It wasn’t there?! And that’s when I decided that I must’ve eaten it. I have no proof of it’s prior existence nor do I have proof that I ate it (except my stomach issues), so I concluded and accepted that I must’ve digested the thing. Ugh.

And then, (to make matters worse!) as I’m sitting here typing this bug story, I researched the bug I saw and it matched something called a kissing bug!!! Holy *&$#@! This kind of bug sucks human blood after the victim is sound asleep. Yuck.

Later in the day, I took a nap (in the living room) because I still had a headache and face ache and it all started with my encounter with a stalking bug!

The only thing keeping me from completely not wanting to go to my bedroom tonight is that I still have not found the bug and I have no proof of a bite like the woman in the story, so, that is why I believed that I ate it. UGH. So, at least, the bug is gone.

~sorry, no peace from me today. 😦

 

 

Peace, restore, give

I enjoy people and relationships, but the truth is, I’m an introvert. There’s nothing wrong with me or the people I enjoy, but I must achieve a balance in order to be restored into the better, relaxed version of myself. So, even though it’s hard to carve out, I find a moment to spend some time alone. I think, I breathe, I pray, I veg.

And afterwards, like a small child after a nap, I metamorpho-size into a more relaxed version of myself, and then, I can then give of myself to others.

Our purpose as humans (in my humble, albeit introverted opinion) is to give of ourselves to others. Day by day, we flit by in the lives of others, a small interruption into the daily routines of others and we have a choice. We can be a warm, loving, compassionate person or we can be the opposite, bitchy, critical, angry, or bitter. (among other things).

Though I have bad days, I (try) to choose the former because, I’ve seen what happens afterwards… lines on a face smooth out, the downward pull on the mouth straightens, even at times, lips lift and smile. The light in the eyes (no matter the age) ignite. And these small observances create in me hope and possibility and even a bit of optimism.

Try this, be observant. You can see it happen if you’re looking. Choose to give your best self to others.  Let me know how it goes.

~True Peace

 

End of summer

Today, I’m trying to embrace the fact that I woke up and got up at a painful 6 a.m and took some time to just be. I needed it and I needed to write or at least feel like I’m writing. 😉

I don’t often wish this happened more often because I enjoy sleep, but the quiet I seem to need lately happens at these awful times. The early morning sounds, the smell of the plants wafting into the windows, the faraway sound of the highway (really?), and the birds chirping (minus loud crows).

It’s what my soul craves.

This morning, I’m also thinking about how much I enjoy having grown kids. It’s exciting to watch them become young adults and make their way in the world. There’s no school supply shopping, no thoughts of making lunches nor jumping quickly into vehicles and joining the procession of hurrying vehicles.

Thinking about those days makes me tired, but I admit, there are parts of that season I miss also.

So, if you run into me and wonder what I’ve been doing lately, I’m just focusing time and energy into my marriage, my grown kids and working. Though I have creativity in my being,  participating in it fluctuates, but it’s okay, I’ve learned by now, creativity comes in waves and I don’t need to stress that I’ve lost who I am or that I’ve betrayed my soul.

~peace.

 

 

Wednesday

Was it last Friday I posted? Wow, these days are literally just flying off the calendar at record speed. The back to school stuff is only the beginning and I’m bracing myself for the deluge of what follows.

Today, I want to write something that I enjoy about writing. I enjoy creating make believe worlds. It makes sense why I loved (as a kid) Felix the Cat and his magic bag of tricks. He could make anything! Well, I don’t have a magic bag of tricks, but I have the knack for imagination. All I have to do is think of things outside of their norm among other things. Later,  I use my fingers (my magic wands 😉 and wala!  It’s a sort of grown up make-believe game.

And here’s an interesting happening: I recently got a part-time job and though it requires quite a bit of concentration, there are brief periods of stagnant time in which I play mind-make-believe. This kind of game usually happens while I do chores, cook, laundry and such, but now also at this job.

A writer’s everyday experience is not wasted time. Basically, it’s hands-on research.

That’s it for now.

~ciao

 

 

Friday’s “reviews”

I’ve read quite a few books now and learning so much. The main thing I’ve learned from good pieces of literature is not just having a story to tell, but how the story was told. For example, in All The Light We Cannot See, multiple character’s stories are told in the forward and backward traveling through time kind of fashion. It was a challenge to follow, as a reader, but in my opinion, gave the story some mystery as well as anticipation.

I can’t imagine the challenge for the writer, but then again, this is Pulitzer Award winning level. Yeah. I also have enjoyed the learning in reading good books. I enjoy smelling and looking at flowers, but I’ve never studied them.  In The Language of Flowers, I was able to enjoy an inspiring story while also learning about flowers. Even if the story was about the character overcoming a difficult past, the reader is encouraged to open their eyes to the gifts people possess no matter their background.

In the The Martian, even though I’m not a technical geek ( I wish I was!) I could still enjoy how the author used humor to lighten the undeniably terrifying aspect of being left alone on the Planet of Mars. Had it not been for the comedic relief, I might not have been able to read this book. So, humor, sarcasm and well placed cuss words granted realness to a gifted main character.

Now, after reading quite a few books, I might be falling forever into the rabbit hole of literature, never to be found again. Thank you writers for keeping your dreams of telling us great stories. You’re appreciated!

 

Lately

With the recent tragic events of late, I find myself with very few words to share these days. I would like to be the voice of encouragement, but I do that better with pictures.  I feel the need for a National Day or weeks of mourning.

But, just as we begin to put our hands together to pray,  another awful thing happens. I don’t know any of the people that have been tragically killed, but I still feel for and think about them and the families they’ve left behind and the time. May God have mercy on them and us all.

 

Friday’s reflection

Lately, I feel as if a cat not only has my tongue, but the neurons attached to it that lead to the part of the brain where words are formulated! It sucks, too, since I call myself a writer. But, I refuse to call it writer’s block, that sounds so, well, easy or typical. I don’t think that’s true for me. I have plenty of words, opinions and ideas, but, I don’t always sit at my laptop and spew them all out.

I think I’ll just invent a new term. I think what I experience is a sort of  writer’s hibernation phase.

What is W.H.P? (Writer’s Hibernation Phase) Well, it’s when you reach a certain age and the neurons in your brain have to realign themselves due to so much data exposure.

In other words, not all things slow down with age, actually, I believe things neurologically speaking, speed up. But, on the surface, it may appear to slow. But in reality, the older brain is sifting through data at rapid rates trying to sort through the many ideas, concepts, principles, etc. to let go of and which new input to adopt.

How’s that for a theory?  😉

Enjoy the weekend amigos!

~Peace.

What the ?

This will not be pretty, but I’m getting angry. Seriously, I’ve been sitting in front of my keyboard and draft after draft comes without me publishing. Lack of time is not the problem, even though this is true.

I mean, this is freakin’ ridiculous. Enough! But, I’ve dealt with this before, so I know the other is something deeper.

It’s not just in writing that this voice  of doubt persists. It’s in other areas of my work that I hear this and enough is enough. I’m reaching out to higher powers for some help. I’ve had it.

That is all.

~Peace in your struggles.

 

Right

When I write, it’s because I lose faith in the ability for me to communicate, especially to those I love the most.

When I write, it’s because I have time to formulate and compose.

When I write, it’s because I have failed in some way,  I write it’s because I’m trying to redeem myself.

When I write, it’s because I’ve exposed myself with words and I’m trying to cover the truth or trying (in hope) to expose a greater truth.

I write because it reveals truth and it is the truth that will set us free.

I write to be free.

~peace.

So, yeah, our story

So, what I should mention about our story,  Extraordinary Girl,  which I began promoting (finally) is that you can read it for free for a about a week or so. And more importantly, if anyone reads it, we’d really appreciate some constructive criticism. It is a first novel, so we’re prepared for this, so no worries if you have some hard things to say. We can take it! (I think?)

Anyway, in the meantime, I’m reading (attempting to) All the Light We Can Not See by Anthony Dooer and thinking, okay, well now and being humbled as I read. I’m probably going to have to read it again for pleasure because right now, I’m kinda reading it as a writer and as far as style, tone and such, I like what I’m reading and I’m learning.

As a teacher, I say, there’s no better way to learn than to dig in to the meat of what you’re trying to learn. Speaking of, my “day job” of tutoring is calling my name and I need to work on that.

~Peace readers!